[Satya blinks in surprise when Ashe pulls her hand away, feeling an odd mixture of pain and rejection and loneliness, and oh. Is this how Ashe has felt like every single time she has rejected her touch? Satya almost misses the handkerchief that falls from her wife’s hand as she pulls her hand back, and somehow, that makes everything hurt even more; she didn’t realize she had held on to it for so long, and she certainly never thought she would cling to it in her sleep like a lifeline.
Satya brings her free hand up to her mouth to muffle a sob, but the tears don’t fall just yet, not even when she feels Ashe tense up under her touch. She is about to shake her shoulder again when Ashe finally wakes up, sitting up in bed so abruptly that it makes Satya startle, her eyes widening in surprise. Predictably, the sudden movement makes her hurt, and Satya opens her mouth to tell her to be careful, but the words die on her lips as she watches her wife wipe the tears away, even as new ones keep on falling. And then Ashe turns her head to look at her, and.
Seeing her like this hurts, even more than it did when she woke up from her nightmare. Satya blinks rapidly, the tears finally falling down her cheeks, but she doesn’t reach out for Ashe, not even when she seems like she’s about to touch her face; she just looks at her, wide eyed and frozen in place, even when she realizes her wife is sniffling, looking at her like she’s pleading to the gods so that Satya will let her in. Just like she pleaded to every God and Goddess she knows not to let Ashe die.
(She feels her blood soaking through her clothes, sees Ashe going paler with each passing second, feels the panic rise up again when they arrive to the hospital and she thinks they are too late. She sees Ashe being rushed away from her.
And then she sees her laughing it off, like nothing really happened.)
Satya’s eyes go out of focus as she dissociates, and then she blinks, focusing on the other woman once again.]
Let me-- I will find your painkillers for you, [she breathes out, turning her attention to the several bottles of medication on the bedside table. She can barely see the labels as it is, her vision blurry from the unshed tears in her eyes, and when she picks a bottle up, her hands are shaking badly enough to make the pills rattle inside it. She should have taken her own medication as soon as she woke up, but she didn’t, and now she’s paying the price. How unsightly.]
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branchandroot
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Date: 2019-05-26 12:45 am (UTC)Satya brings her free hand up to her mouth to muffle a sob, but the tears don’t fall just yet, not even when she feels Ashe tense up under her touch. She is about to shake her shoulder again when Ashe finally wakes up, sitting up in bed so abruptly that it makes Satya startle, her eyes widening in surprise. Predictably, the sudden movement makes her hurt, and Satya opens her mouth to tell her to be careful, but the words die on her lips as she watches her wife wipe the tears away, even as new ones keep on falling. And then Ashe turns her head to look at her, and.
Seeing her like this hurts, even more than it did when she woke up from her nightmare. Satya blinks rapidly, the tears finally falling down her cheeks, but she doesn’t reach out for Ashe, not even when she seems like she’s about to touch her face; she just looks at her, wide eyed and frozen in place, even when she realizes her wife is sniffling, looking at her like she’s pleading to the gods so that Satya will let her in. Just like she pleaded to every God and Goddess she knows not to let Ashe die.
(She feels her blood soaking through her clothes, sees Ashe going paler with each passing second, feels the panic rise up again when they arrive to the hospital and she thinks they are too late. She sees Ashe being rushed away from her.
And then she sees her laughing it off, like nothing really happened.)
Satya’s eyes go out of focus as she dissociates, and then she blinks, focusing on the other woman once again.]
Let me-- I will find your painkillers for you, [she breathes out, turning her attention to the several bottles of medication on the bedside table. She can barely see the labels as it is, her vision blurry from the unshed tears in her eyes, and when she picks a bottle up, her hands are shaking badly enough to make the pills rattle inside it. She should have taken her own medication as soon as she woke up, but she didn’t, and now she’s paying the price. How unsightly.]