[ Satya’s crying too, which only increases the rate in which Ashe’s tears fall. She swallows hard, biting back another sob, but a soft distressed noise still escapes her. All she wants is to pull her close and hold her. She wants to be able to fall asleep with her at her side again. The bed feels empty and cold without her and sleeping well is nearly impossible. Hence, she turned to alcohol in hopes that it would soothe her and give her some dreamless nights.
It didn’t. In fact, it only made things worse and pushed Satya away even further.
With that intense need for her wife, she waits, hoping with everything in her that Satya would allow her to touch her or even just take her hand. That isn’t much, but at this point, she would take it. Satya does what Ashe expects and shuts her out again. Thankfully, not with a no or a shake of her head. No. Instead, she reaches for her pain pills and hands them to her as if they would solve her problems. As though the pain was merely physical. It’s at that when Ashe’s expression falls, looking as though her heart just shattered into a million pieces.
Worst part is? She brought this upon herself and she’s not sure how to fix it.
Ashe shakes her head. ]
No. [ And then she ardently shakes her head again no sooner does she take the pill bottle from Satya and throw it across the room. The pills clatter on the inside of the bottle as they hit the floor and roll to a stop against the wall. ] Please… I need you. I can’t stand it anymore, Satya. [ She grabs ahold of her hand desperately as she looks up at her. ]
We have to stop this! I’m beggin’ you. I… [ She bites back another sob. ] I’m sorry. I… was wrong. I messed up. I know that. I get it. Brushin’ it all to the wayside ain’t workin’ for me, but it’s the only way I know how to deal with it.
[ She inhales sharply, finally unable to hold anything else back. She bows her head, almost doubling over as she starts crying all over again; completely falling apart. It's so unlike any of the very few times she's ever cried in front of Satya before. She's never cried in front of anyone like this.
Her voice lowers to a murmur as she struggles to breathe. ]
I’m so sorry… I miss you. I miss you so much. I… I can’t. Satya… please.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2019-05-26 01:25 am (UTC)It didn’t. In fact, it only made things worse and pushed Satya away even further.
With that intense need for her wife, she waits, hoping with everything in her that Satya would allow her to touch her or even just take her hand. That isn’t much, but at this point, she would take it. Satya does what Ashe expects and shuts her out again. Thankfully, not with a no or a shake of her head. No. Instead, she reaches for her pain pills and hands them to her as if they would solve her problems. As though the pain was merely physical. It’s at that when Ashe’s expression falls, looking as though her heart just shattered into a million pieces.
Worst part is? She brought this upon herself and she’s not sure how to fix it.
Ashe shakes her head. ]
No. [ And then she ardently shakes her head again no sooner does she take the pill bottle from Satya and throw it across the room. The pills clatter on the inside of the bottle as they hit the floor and roll to a stop against the wall. ] Please… I need you. I can’t stand it anymore, Satya. [ She grabs ahold of her hand desperately as she looks up at her. ]
We have to stop this! I’m beggin’ you. I… [ She bites back another sob. ] I’m sorry. I… was wrong. I messed up. I know that. I get it. Brushin’ it all to the wayside ain’t workin’ for me, but it’s the only way I know how to deal with it.
[ She inhales sharply, finally unable to hold anything else back. She bows her head, almost doubling over as she starts crying all over again; completely falling apart. It's so unlike any of the very few times she's ever cried in front of Satya before. She's never cried in front of anyone like this.
Her voice lowers to a murmur as she struggles to breathe. ]
I’m so sorry… I miss you. I miss you so much. I… I can’t. Satya… please.