I kissed a girl and I liked it.

[deadlock_diva]

(( PSL for realitybendstomywill ))


[ Ashe steps out onto the front porch of her small county house, taking in a deep breath of the warm, desert air. It feels so good to be free from the shackles of her illness. After two and a half weeks of pain, misery and recuperating, she wanted to go out and do something that wasn’t lying in bed or being limited to the rooms in her house. Symmetra was leaving within the next day or two and she also felt the need to express her gratitude.

Because… yanno. Ashe wasn’t a pleasant person when she was sick and she knew that all too well. Not that they hadn’t reached an understanding and gotten through that initial unpleasantness, but still.

The day before, she’d suggested that they go into town in the evening for a girl’s night out. Ashe never really had a lot of girl friends in the past and had silently always wondered what it’d be like. She assumed it was a lot different than the loud and rowdy times she had with her boys; which was fine and dandy enough, but sometimes? Getting dressed up just for the sake of it (and maybe for the sake of turning a few heads) sounded like a much better time to her. A different thrill from the bar fights, gambling and alcohol induced shenanigans.

Waiting for the other woman to finish getting ready, she drops her purse on the first step and then turns to take a seat on the porch swing, settling against the back and looking out at the quiet desert before her. She smooths out the soft fabric of the yellow dress she wore and then reaches to adjust the light brown fringe that exposed her shoulders and hung just low enough for a tasteful amount of cleavage. Her normally straight hair held soft curls that framed her face, the longer side lightly bouncing over her shoulder as the breeze blew through the porch. The belt that hugs her slim waist is the same light brown as the fringe, the buckle in the shape of a flower and adorned with turquoise stones. She’d chosen some strappy sandals instead of heels; being that she was still in the process of recovering, she hadn’t wanted to push herself too much. Plus, it was such a nice day for a light and flowy garment. Hell, it was the first time she’d worn a dress in a long while.

Leaning her head back, she closes her eyes, content to enjoy the wind on her face and the calm silence that only someone who lives out in the middle of absolute nowhere could grow accustomed to. ]

Comments

[deadlock_diva]

[ Honestly? This is a level of intimacy that Ashe hasn’t felt in a long time: Sitting with someone she has strong feelings for, the almost complete skin on skin contact and the level of trust that seems to be forming between them. Amazing how long she’s only pursued a mere fling when she could have had something more like this. Maybe it’s worth the risks.

Just maybe.

All she knows right now is that Satya is agreeing despite what she’s been told of her background and the wave of relief that hits Ashe is almost enough to knock her over. A soft laugh escapes her, her face lighting up to where she’s almost beaming. How long has it been, really? How long as he been since she’s had this level of desire to be with someone else? Too damn long. Way too damn long. But in a way? After meeting Satya, she decides it’s been well worth the wait.

And then the architech speaks again and all Ashe wants to say is that there isn’t likely anything more that is going to keep her from wanting to pursue a relationship with her, but she doesn’t. She knows when to listen and she holds her tongue. Satya sounds almost hesitant, and that alone tells her that this is likely just as important as everything else she’s told her already.

That revelation. That… fact that she’s autistic. Well… ]

Is that what it is? [ She hums, undeterred and too happy to even make an attempt to look serious. ] Sure explains a lot, don’t it?

[ Even as Ashe’s expression has barely shifted, there’s a look of realization. Almost as though she’d considered something was off with Satya, but couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was. ]

Help me understand and I’ll handle it just fine. [ She leans in, nuzzling against her cheek. Then she takes Satya's cybernetic hand into hers and brings it up to her lips, placing a kiss against her knuckles with a small turn of her head. ] Listen. I want this. I want you. If you can accept who I am? Well… [ She laces their fingers together again. ] -darlin’, ain't it only fair that I accept who you are?

[realitybendstomywill]

[It’s been a long time since Satya felt this kind of intimacy, too-- since she felt this level of trust-- and it’s so wonderful that she has to forcefully push aside the thought that this is simply too good to be true. No, surely it is both too good and true, because statistically speaking, there is a percentage of things that seem too good to be true but end up being wonderfully real after all, and as small as that percentage may be, it definitely exists and--

She is sidetracked from her thoughts by Ashe’s reaction. Her relief is so strong that Satya can all but feel it herself, in the way her body loses some of its tension, and then that laugh and that smile make her own heart beat even faster. Satya knew her friend would be happy about her agreeing to this new thing between them, but Ashe isn’t just happy: she is beaming, and Satya commits the sight of it to memory, feeling in awe that she made her feel that way at all.

Unfortunately, their conversation doesn’t just end there, and Satya does feel nervous as she waits for a reaction to her little revelation. And then it happens, and… Ashe almost doesn’t react, her expression barely changing at all. But of course she makes the same commentary everyone else has ever done. Of course. Satya lets out a quiet huff of breath that sounds too much like an annoyed sigh.]

Ah, yes. I have never heard that one before.

[Those next words change everything, however. Ashe tells her to help her understand, leaning in to nuzzle her cheek. No one has ever told her to help them understand-- not even her-- always resorting to their already existing knowledge of what they think autism is and isn’t, or doing their own research, completely missing the fact that it is a spectrum, wildly different from person to person, and that only a person with autism can truly say what it is like for them. Satya nods, her lips curling into a small but happy smile, and then Ashe takes her cybernetic hand and brings it up to her lips so she can kiss the knuckles and oh, Satya’s smile becomes almost delirious. There is only so much sensory stimuli she can feel through her cybernetic arm, but for a moment there, it feels almost as if Ashe is kissing her real arm, as if her lips are touching skin instead of a highly advanced metal alloy.

Any lingering doubts that her cybernetic arm may have made Ashe uncomfortable in any way fades away completely at that, and it’s impossible to look away from her friend’s lips touching her knuckles. Until Ashe goes and says that, and a quiet, breathy little oh escapes her lips, before she goes quiet, not knowing what to say. I want this. I want you, Ashe said, and it’s Satya’s turn to let out a breathless little laugh, her smile widening.]

You are correct, but… [She leans in to nuzzle her nose against Ashe’s, before pulling back just enough to look at her, while remaining close enough that her breath still ghosts over Ashe’s mouth as she speaks. Satya brings her other hand up and settles it against Ashe’s cheek, her thumb rubbing lightly along the skin, tantalizingly close to her lips.] I am a perfectionist overachiever who feels everything with increased intensity. Are you absolutely certain you want me?

[Does she just want to hear Ashe say that again? Maybe.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ Hah. Of course she’s heard that one before. Ashe hadn’t even considered her words before she’d spoken them and it’s only after’s Satya’s little comment that she realizes how typical that probably sounded. It’s the truth, isn’t it? As someone who isn't all that familiar with the autism spectrum, what else is she supposed to say upon finding out? Ah well. Aside from that cute little huff of hers, Satya doesn’t seem too displeased.

Far from it, actually. That’s proved in the way she smiles and breathes that little oh in response to Ashe’s words. The way she nuzzles in closer and laughs the same way Ashe feels. How genuinely happy she looks, how radiant. In a way, it feels as though this is a side of Satya that many people never see. This is who she really is behind the perfectionist overachiever. It's what drew her in so quickly and what continues to do so. Allowing herself a moment to just look at the woman in her lap all too fondly, Ashe wills herself out of those far away thoughts. By the time she does, Satya's all but breathing against her lips, and it’s no wonder that all she can do in return is act.

Not even a second after Satya’s question, Ashe leans in and kisses her, lingering for just a moment before pulling back. ]

Yes. You might just be a little eccentric, but... you're also beautiful, intelligent, interesting. Unique.

[ Releasing her cybernetic arm, she wraps both arms around her waist, pulling her against her and wishing that they were sitting like they had been earlier. Still, she can pull her close enough for her own satisfaction. ]

And I’m absolutely certain that I want you. [ She kisses her again, briefly. ] Ain't no doubt in my mind. [ Another one. ] I haven’t been this sure about someone in a long time.

[ She moves her hands up Satya's back, her hold on her tight and secure. She nuzzles her face into her neck with a soft, contented sigh. As a side note: This is shaping up the be the best vacation ever. ]

That answer your question?

[realitybendstomywill]

[She doesn’t know what makes Ashe look at her like that, but she could get lost in that fond gaze for days and never want to return. Satya lets out a quiet and happy little sound when Ashe leans in for a kiss, feeling like it’s been far too long since the last time they pressed their lips together. She thinks that gesture is an answer in itself when Ashe pulls back and actually replies, and oh, are her cheeks really becoming that warm? She can’t help it-- she has always been particularly proud of being intelligent and unique, and Ashe thinks she is both. How could she not blush upon realizing her friend has such a wonderful opinion of her?

Before she can reply, before she can even think of a reply in the first place, Ashe pulls her as close as their current position will allow, and makes it quite clear once again that, yes, she is quite certain she wants her. Satya smiles widely when Ashe leans in for a kiss, and her smile never fades, not even as her friend keeps talking and kissing her-- if anything, her smile grows even wider at all of that. When Ashe holds on tight and leans in to nuzzle against her neck, Satya moves her cybernetic hand up to Ashe’s shoulder, her other hand moving so her fingers tangle in that beautiful blonde hair. She nods quickly at her friend’s question, a quiet chuckle forming in her throat.]

Mm-hm. That answer is sufficient, yes.

[But the way the hand on Ashe’s shoulder pulls her closer makes it obvious enough that no, Ashe’s answer is a lot more than just sufficient: it is all she wanted to hear and then some, a clear sign that Ashe is in as deep as she is. Satya turns her head slightly to press a soft kiss to Ashe’s temple, her lips lingering against her skin for a moment before she brushes her mouth lightly along her earlobe.]

I want you, too, [she finally says, her words breathed out like a whisper, before she admits she has felt this way for a while.] I have wanted to say that for quite some time, but thought I would never get the opportunity to. Not without ruining what we had.

[Her cybernetic hand slides from Ashe’s shoulder to her upper back, and then down to her shoulder blade, her fingertips tracing idly along its shape. She can’t help wishing she was back to straddling Ashe’s lap, as well, but she isn’t too keen on the idea of having to pull away to do that, no matter how temporary that would be.]

It has been a very long time since I felt this way. In retrospect, it should have been obvious that I would be irresistibly drawn to such a brilliant, talented and stunning woman.

[She places a kiss against her friend's shoulder but doesn't pull away, allowing her mouth to remain pressed against Ashe's skin.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ A notable shudder passes through Ashe when Satya brushes her lips against her earlobe. And then as she breathes those words into her ear, goosebumps form down her arms, and she can almost swear she that feels the hair on the back of her neck standing on end. She chuckles breathlessly, suddenly feeling weak.

The thing is? At this point, when the doubts are gone and they’ve talked just enough, the closeness feels so right. Again, that could just be infatuation talking; Ashe did have a tendency to get too close too quickly sometimes, but... she's still willing to take that chance. Perhaps… just perhaps they can have something meaningful despite the distance and despite how different they are. It’s been a while since she’s truly believed that as well. ]

You sure have a lotta nice things to say… [ A slightly shaky breath escapes her as she presses her lips to Satya’s neck. ] Think I might could get used to that.

[ Once that thrill and suspense has worn off, Ashe is slowly beginning to realize that that weak feeling may not be entirely Satya's fault. She's absolutely exhausted and jetlagged, but not ready to turn in for night. She’ll fight it. Damnit, she will fight it hard. ]

I think it’s a good thing that you invited me over here. The both of us were strugglin’ like mad with our feelings and this was better discussed in person. I dunno how that opportunity would've arisen otherwise, had we waited too long with too much time to think about it. [ She nips at the edge of Satya’s jaw after lifting her head from her neck. ] And then... I wouldn't be here holdin' you like this. I reckon the timin' was just perfect.

[ Releasing that tight hold on her, she pulls one hand back to gently guide Satya by her cheek away from her shoulder so that she can kiss her again. Lowering that hand to rest on Satya’s thigh, she realizes all over again: Her skirt is still pulled all the way up and she’d sure like to get back to where they were earlier. Y’know… before she’s too tired to do anything more. ]

So… [ Breaking the kiss, she stays close, smirking at she presses another kiss to the corner of her mouth, her hand sliding underneath her skirt. She gives her hip a squeeze. ] Where were we?

[realitybendstomywill]

[Oh, how she loves the way Ashe shudders in response to something as simple as barely touching her earlobe with her lips. Satya is going to do that a lot more, but for now, she files the information under “things that are likely to make Ashe fall apart when used in a sequential and/or consecutive manner, repeatedly and/or one time only”. She chuckles far too breathlessly after Satya speaks, too, and that is also very rewarding, especially when the architech did not mean to breathe out those words right into her ear in the first place.

Of course, Ashe isn’t the only one who thinks that everything that is going on is wonderfully right: Satya feels the same way, and she is just as determined to make things work, despite the distance between them and the difference in their personalities. Perhaps they will fit together like puzzle pieces, forming a greater picture although they are both quite different; she doesn’t know, but she really wants to find out.]

Ah-- yes, of course I do. [It’s her turn to shiver as Ashe kisses her neck.] You are quite lucky… I have been told on several occasions that I have a way with words.

[She has a clever mouth in both senses of the word, but Satya thinks it’s probably too early into this brand new thing between them-- can she call it a relationship yet?-- to start saying fairly explicit double entendres. Satya smiles against Ashe’s shoulder at those delightful words, pressing another kiss to her skin as Ashe speaks.]

You are correct. [It’s delightful to be talking so freely about their feelings for each other, whatever those feelings might be; they don’t have to bring up specifics right now, after all. Satya hums contentedly when Ashe nips at her jaw, and by the time her friend gently guides her up for a kiss, that smile still hasn’t faded.] As for my timing being perfect… I do strive for perfection in everything I do.

[She is mostly being playful, because in this specific situation, part of her timing was a mixture of longing and sheer dumb luck. Satya is quite happy to return Ashe’s kiss, but she isn’t expecting her hand to fall on to her bare thigh, forgetting entirely that her skirt is all the way up, too. The warmth of Ashe’s hand against sensitive skin is enough to bring a quiet little sound out of her, surprised but no less happy because of that, and then that hand keeps moving up, under her skirt, and Satya’s breath catches in anticipation, only to be let out in a breathless chuckle when Ashe squeezes her hip.]

Oh. We were-- [She swallows hard, her cybernetic hand sliding down from Ashe’s right shoulder to her elbow.] From what I can recall, you were positioned quite comfortably between my legs.

[Her hand slides down to Ashe’s hand and she guides it lower, her touch gentle, wanting her to give something else a squeeze, just like she did when Satya was still on her lap, earlier. But that’s not the only thing she does: Satya seizes that kiss to her mouth for all it’s worth and darts the tip of her tongue out to tease at Ashe’s lips.]

Perhaps we should… take this elsewhere? [She bites her own lip, her cheeks flushing darker all of a sudden. She knows Ashe knows where she is getting with this, and although they were quite obviously heading in that direction anyway, she can’t help feeling oddly nervous at suggesting they should go to bed. That doesn’t stop her from going ahead and suggesting exactly that, though.] We would be far more comfortable in my bed.

[deadlock_diva]

[ Ashe is more than happy to give Satya another squeeze right where she wants her to. She loves how Satya's cheeks darken in color as she blushes. There's something awfully sweet about it, even when her suggestion is anything but. Despite everything they'd done this evening, Ashe does briefly wonder again if things are moving a bit to fast. Hence, at Satya’s question, she hums softly, taking a moment to really consider it.

Ah, what the hell? They’ve already made it this far, and Satya is right. Her bed would be a lot more comfortable. Also, the thought of curling up with her afterwards is far too enticing an offer to pass up on. Especially when she'd often caught herself thinking back to the night of their first outing. Her expression softens and she finally nods her head in response. ]

If you’re ready for that, I ain’t gonna say no. [ She winks at her, turning her head to kiss her cheek. ] Just bear with me. I ain’t been intimate with another woman before.

[ Best to get that out in the open now, right? Probably should have earlier, but she figured if they were just fooling around, there was no real need. And now here they are, half-naked and already planning on going to bed together. ]

But, I know what I like. I'm sure I can figure you out.