I kissed a girl and I liked it.

[deadlock_diva]

(( PSL for realitybendstomywill ))


[ Ashe steps out onto the front porch of her small county house, taking in a deep breath of the warm, desert air. It feels so good to be free from the shackles of her illness. After two and a half weeks of pain, misery and recuperating, she wanted to go out and do something that wasn’t lying in bed or being limited to the rooms in her house. Symmetra was leaving within the next day or two and she also felt the need to express her gratitude.

Because… yanno. Ashe wasn’t a pleasant person when she was sick and she knew that all too well. Not that they hadn’t reached an understanding and gotten through that initial unpleasantness, but still.

The day before, she’d suggested that they go into town in the evening for a girl’s night out. Ashe never really had a lot of girl friends in the past and had silently always wondered what it’d be like. She assumed it was a lot different than the loud and rowdy times she had with her boys; which was fine and dandy enough, but sometimes? Getting dressed up just for the sake of it (and maybe for the sake of turning a few heads) sounded like a much better time to her. A different thrill from the bar fights, gambling and alcohol induced shenanigans.

Waiting for the other woman to finish getting ready, she drops her purse on the first step and then turns to take a seat on the porch swing, settling against the back and looking out at the quiet desert before her. She smooths out the soft fabric of the yellow dress she wore and then reaches to adjust the light brown fringe that exposed her shoulders and hung just low enough for a tasteful amount of cleavage. Her normally straight hair held soft curls that framed her face, the longer side lightly bouncing over her shoulder as the breeze blew through the porch. The belt that hugs her slim waist is the same light brown as the fringe, the buckle in the shape of a flower and adorned with turquoise stones. She’d chosen some strappy sandals instead of heels; being that she was still in the process of recovering, she hadn’t wanted to push herself too much. Plus, it was such a nice day for a light and flowy garment. Hell, it was the first time she’d worn a dress in a long while.

Leaning her head back, she closes her eyes, content to enjoy the wind on her face and the calm silence that only someone who lives out in the middle of absolute nowhere could grow accustomed to. ]

Comments

[realitybendstomywill]

[Much like Ashe, Symmetra never had a girl’s night out, which was bound to happen when she had no actual friends. Growing up in Hyderabad, she knew a few children she could call friends, but her recurrent episodes of sensory overload from the smells and sounds of the slums put her on edge more often than not, and as a result, she often avoided leaving the small, nearly inhabitable space she used to call home. Her social situation did not improve after Vishkar took her in: on the contrary, it got significantly worse, and she felt so lonely and isolated in her new life that she had no other choice but to devote herself fully to her studies, trying to recreate the few beautiful things she missed from her childhood: the patterns, the colors, and the dancing.

Things haven’t changed much since then. Those who used to mock her for being different, who mingled together easily as she struggled to learn specific social norms she had never needed to learn before, turned into the hypocritical classmates who asked her for advice and class notes. By then, she knew enough about people and about humanity to hold her ground and not give in to those who had tried to bring her down. And then there was her, and Symmetra thought she had found a real friend, a lover and a confidante, until everything fell apart and she was reminded yet again that she could only trust herself and her own abilities. She never tried to get closer to anyone else ever again, not even to those she had been sexually intimate with.

As used as she is to being alone-- to being lonely-- she didn’t expect to enjoy someone else’s company for over two weeks. It’s almost disturbing, how easy it becomes to say good morning and good night and actually mean it, how she begins to hesitantly lower her walls, when she had arrived with the sole intent of taking care of someone who was sick, without any personal involvement or closeness. There has to be a catch somewhere: Symmetra has never met anyone who wanted to be around her for anything other than social status and other hidden agendas, but no matter how thoroughly she dissects everything that has happened since her arrival, she can’t find anything incriminating, and it does seem as if Ashe genuinely wants to be her friend.

Even though she has reached that strange conclusion, it still surprises her when the other woman invites her to go out, wanting to thank her for her help. Symmetra almost declines-- she needs to go back home and work on the projects she had no way of working on while she was taking care of Ashe-- but the other woman won’t take no for an answer, and her trip home is only forty hours from now, so she says yes. That is why she finds herself in front of a full body mirror, adjusting the jewelry she created with hard-light and ensuring that there is not a single wrinkle visible on her clothes. She always brings a fancy outfit or two with her when she travels, knowing that she could be called to represent Vishkar in a business meeting at any given moment, and her foresight ensures that she will look both beautiful and classy on her first girl’s night out ever. Between the white silk blouse, the skin-tight black pants and the golden high heel shoes, she doesn’t just look attractive: she looks powerful, too.

Knowing that Ashe is waiting for her outside, she makes her way there as well, and stops when her eyes fall upon the other woman. It’s fascinating, somehow, to see how different she looks like right now, her choice of outfit and hair style making her look even more beautiful than she already is. Symmetra mentally scolds herself for thinking about her new friend in a less platonic way before she clears her throat to make her presence known.]

I’m ready. [She adjusts the strap of her purse over her shoulder, needing to do something with her hands to dispel the weird nervousness that has settled in.] Where are we going?

[deadlock_diva]

[ It’s such a pretty day and it would have been so easy to curl up on the swing and take a nap. Maybe that’s something she’d do in the days to come; enjoy being outside after she’d missed it a little too much. After she got caught up on her own tasks and made sure the boys hadn’t burned down the hideout, that is. B.O.B. also needed some system upgrades, Bars needed minor repairs and Zeke probably had a large list of complaints that he'd be all to ready to fill her in on the moment she hit the door. But, one thing at a time.

Thoughts like those drifting with the wind, Ashe doesn’t quite hear Symmetra when she comes through the door, but her voice pulls her back to reality. It's only then that she realizes that she'd actually dozed off on the swing. Sitting up straighter, her eyes flutter open as she hums questioningly. It takes her a moment to process what she’d been asked. She stretches her arms out in front of her, trying to will that sleepiness away. ]

There's a nice little restaurant in town called Desert Star. One of my favorite places to treat myself, so I made us reservations.

[ Turning her head, her eyes finally fall upon the other woman and... well. She's not entirely sure what she'd been expecting in terms of what Symmetra would wear, but...

Wow.

A look of genuine surprise colors her expression. Oh, yes. Girl's night out is going to be fun. ]

That's a fancy outfit you’ve got there. You look absolutely stunnin', sugar.

[ Stunning, yes. And fierce? But in a really good way. Actually, it's all she can do not to stare and admire just how clean pressed and well put together she is. In fact, she feels a little under dressed in comparison, but no matter; she's still all too pleased with her own selection for the evening.

Tearing her gaze away and hops up from the swing, the light fabric of her dress rippling around her legs with the breeze as she steps over to pick up her purse from the porch step. She's quick to descend the steps, looking more lively that she has in days. She glances back over her shoulder and motions with her head over toward an older model of pickup truck near the right side of the house. ]

Come on. [ She winks at her. ] Let's go turn some heads and have some fun.

[realitybendstomywill]

[Oh, Ashe drifted off as she waited. Did she really take that long to get ready? Or does this mean Ashe still feels exhausted, even after her health has improved significantly? Symmetra can’t help but wonder if she really is feeling well enough to head out like this, and she is about to gently poke her shoulder to bring her back to consciousness when Ashe wakes up and answers her question.

If it’s one of Ashe’s favorite places, then she assumes it must be good; Ashe does seem to have good taste, judging from what she knows of her so far. She nods in acknowledgment of such a choice, but then the other woman finally looks at her and her reaction is… well, quite different from what she was expecting. Symmetra blinks, surprised herself that Ashe reacted in such a way and/i> complimented her so strongly, and she can feel her cheeks heating up slightly in response. Oh no, did she overdo it? She always dresses this fancy when she goes out for dinner, so she didn’t think too much of it. Perhaps she should have tried to tone it down…?]

Oh. Thank you. [She wants to avert her eyes and play with a strand of hair, or just shift from one foot to the other-- anything to make this nervousness go away. She isn’t used to this feeling; is it the price to pay for having her first girl’s night out ever? Suddenly, she remembers that most people reply to a compliment like this with another compliment of their own, so she does exactly that.] You look very beautiful, yourself.

[Right, moving on; they have things to do and places to be. Ashe seems to remember it as well, given how she gets up from the swing and makes her way down the steps.]

Define ‘fun’, [she teases as she follows the other woman to the pickup truck, but there’s a hint of truth to her words: she has been a workaholic ever since Vishkar took her in, so her definition of fun is a little skewed. Still, she is willing to expand her experiences, at least for the time being.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ The answer to that is yes. Ashe is still a little weak and tired from her illness, but it isn’t enough to inhibit her from going out for the evening. In fact, it’s probably better that she gets up and moves about more to get herself back on track. At least the dust in the air no longer triggers a violent coughing fit.

She smirks when Symmetra compliments her. She knows she looks good, okay? And the fact that she feels good just adds to it. Still, she regards her with a playful side eye, a little more of a swagger in her step as she walks over to the driver’s side door. ]

Thank you.

[ At Symmetra’s teasing remark, Ashe pauses after she opens the door, pressing one finger to her lips briefly and shaking her head. No, ma'am. That is a secret. ]

I’ll define fun for you all in good time, but you best believe I ain’t gonna spoil the plans I have for us now.

[ She tosses her purse into the bed of the truck and then climbs in, pulling the door shut behind her. She slides the key into the ignition, giving it a couple of seconds to get going. Funny. This isn’t a hover car. It’s got wheels. The engine’s a little noisier than cars these days, but it seems to be in decent repair, all things considered. Pulling the seatbelt across her, she snaps it into place and then reaches to turn on the radio. Of course it's a country station. Why wouldn't it be? ]

Buckle up, darlin'. It's a bumpy ride and I don't drive slow.

[realitybendstomywill]

[She doesn’t know just how tired Ashe is, or if she even feels tired at all, but she doesn’t look like it: in fact, the other woman looks almost energetic, and Symmetra can’t help but smile at how excitedly she is behaving. Such a drastic change from the moment they met, weeks ago.]

I don’t see why not. I will enjoy them all the same, you know.

[Well, she probably will, but she really can’t say anything until she finds out just what Ashe has planned for them. Regardless, knowing what is going to happen beforehand has never taken the joy out of doing things; not for her, at least.

She climbs into the passenger seat, fervently ignoring how dusty and old the vehicle is, and realizes that she has never been in a wheeled vehicle before. Is it safe? Does Ashe even know how to drive it? Why haven’t all of these vehicles been recalled for safety concerns? Why on earth is the radio playing a song about horses? And what exactly does Ashe mean by that?]

I could create a new vehicle for you, if you want, and we could avoid using something that belongs in a museum.

[She snaps her seatbelt into place. Symmetra isn’t concerned for her own safety, of course not. Well, she kind of is-- she has her whole life ahead of her, after all, and she would rather not die before her time, and certainly not in a car crash-- but she tries to be a little less obvious about it.]

Text message : 9:35 AM - Deadlock Gorge, Arizona

[deadlock_diva]

[ So.

That happened, and Ashe is absolutely horrified. Reading through the drunken texts had been bad enough; watching the saved video between the two of them? Awful. Satya was a freaking saint for putting up with all of that.

Why did she put up with her to begin with? She could have just ignored her. Wouldn’t that have been the best course of action? Drunk people wouldn’t remember how someone else ignored them the next day and if they did, they’d be glad for it.

Now she’s gotta figure out how to go about this. Does she… message her and apologize? Does she act like it never happened? Would Symmetra bring it up on her own sometime? What?

Hnnnng. How incredibly humiliating. On top of a spectacular headache that only seems to worsen as the minutes pass, she can’t quite shake the overwhelming need to address this now. ]

Hey, Satya.

Sorry about last night. I reckon I oughta hide my tablet before I decide to drink.

[ There. It’s a straightforward apology for her drunken shenanigans; which is all they were really. Sort of. Hopefully the other woman isn’t upset? She’s not sure why she cares- Well, no. She knows why. Satya’s one of the first actual friends she’s made in a while. It’d be a shame to chase her off even more than she feels she had after their little outing.

…

Though, everything her drunken, no-filter mind had allowed her to say was 110% true. But that isn't important. Nope. Not at all. Hahah. She's on a roll today.

Alright. She sent the message. Time to set her tablet aside, try to sleep off this hangover, and forget last night even happened. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[Given their timezone difference, what happened last night actually happened today for her, and it has kept her mind quite busy. She has read those messages and replayed the recording of their video call again and again, trying to make sense of it, until Ashe's i miss you was engraved into her eyelids and her 's nice t'hear your voice all but replaced the playlist she often listens to.

When Ashe texts her, she startles so suddenly that the book she had been staring sightlessly at for the past thirty minutes falls onto the floor. She had been expecting this moment and dreading it at the same time, and she taps the messages hesitantly, daring to feel a little hopeful that maybe Ashe will pick up from where she left off and tell her she misses her again... but she doesn't, and what she says instead makes her feel both disappointed and foolish. Of course.

She doesn’t know what to say in reply: she types in a response and deletes it, until she finally makes up her mind on what to say, trying to be as subtle and neutral as possible.]

Good morning, Ashe. [Nice, Symmetra, that isn’t avoiding the subject at all. She bites her lip as she continues typing.] Do not worry about it; I didn’t mind. Are you feeling any better?

[She doesn’t even remember that most people become more honest when drunk, which clearly implies Ashe was being honest: she is far too used to women becoming friendly drunks, their words and actions making her wonder if they also like women or are simply too friendly. From the looks of it, the latter seems to apply to her friend, too.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ Having left Symmetra’s message box open, she hears the little noise from her tablet that indicates the recipient is typing a response. She lifts her head from her pillow, brow furrowed. Honestly? She didn’t really expect her to reply so quickly.

Great.

Picking up her tablet, she pulls it closer to her as she awaits a response. She must have a lot to say? It’s taking a while, which only makes her wonder if she’s about to get a firm scolding. Fair enough, though. She figures that she deserves it.

But then the messages comes through and it's neither a scolding (which is unfortunate, honestly. That would have been funny), or any particular questioning of what was said last night. Okay. No big deal, right? Everything is fine. ]

Just a hangover. It'll pass.

Otherwise, I'm feeling fine.

[ Oh. That's a lie. But she sends the message anyway, staring at the screen for a moment before continuing. ]

How’re you? Make it back home alright?

[ Honestly? This is the first time she’s messaged her since she left (because last night didn’t happen and therefore it doesn’t count; that’s her logic and she’s sticking to it). She’d been pretty busy and… well. She thought that Symmetra might not have wanted to hear from her for a while after their outing.

Y e a h. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[In truth, Symmetra does have a lot to say, but she can’t allow herself to be as honest as she usually is about everything else. This is dangerous territory, and the proof of it is in their inability to text each other for a week, or in how quickly Ashe reassured her that her words didn’t mean a thing. She had a wonderful time, having dinner and then watching the stars by Ashe’s side, and everything was fine until they woke up tangled together without knowing very well how that happened.

(If she closes her eyes and thinks back to that early morning, she can still feel Ashe’s hair tickle her neck, or the scent of Ashe’s skin against her nose. She tries not to think about any of it.)

Only one thing became clear to Symmetra, however: she crossed Ashe’s boundaries and the other woman didn’t like it. That is why she is going to avoid bringing that up for as long as she possibly can, unless Ashe brings it up, somehow.]

Remember to stay hydrated.

[Yes, good answer. Keep it cool, Satya Vaswani, keep it cool. At that question, she thinks back to the moment she set foot in her apartment and how unnaturally silent and cold it seemed to her, without Ashe’s presence next to her. She gives a little sigh.]

Yes. I still feel the effects of jet lag, but my trip was uneventful, and I started working immediately upon my arrival.

[She was in no condition to work, as horribly jet lagged as she was, but it was either that or being alone with her thoughts in the silence of her own home, and she chose the former. She starts to type another message, then hesitates, only to finish writing it and pressing send.]

Our jobs have kept us quite busy lately, haven’t they?

[deadlock_diva]

[ The rest of the messages kind of blur when the last one comes through.

Oh hell. Is that a nudge toward the fact that she hasn't messaged her since she left? It really hadn’t been for a lack of wanting to. Should she have messaged her? Because, she’d been pretty damn sure that Satya had been upset about them waking up, snuggled close like they were…

…more than friends.

That isn’t normal for friends, is it? Do girl friends just curl up to each other like that? Is that a platonic thing that can happen? Most of all… why did she enjoy it so much? That closeness; having that warmth of someone curled up next to her. Waking up to the desert air, the soft scent of jasmine, and the feeling of Satya’s breath against her neck as she peacefully slept in her arms was a surprisingly fond memory.

Shaking her head, she wills away the thought.

She cracks her knuckles, leaving one hand overlapping the other as she presses them to her mouth, staring at the message for, perhaps, a lot longer than necessary. Granted, she does have a hangover, but that isn’t really inhibiting her ability to think straight.

Why can’t anything be easy when she isn’t trying to make things purposefully difficult? ]

Yeah. Pretty busy. I figured you would be too since you spent so much time here.

Glad you made it back alright. That jetlag can be rough.

[ Her messages don’t sound natural at all; nothing like that normally would have been. They feel flat and generic and if she feels that way, would Satya be able to tell as well? Not that they’d really known each other before she’d fallen ill. Maybe not.

…

She sighs and sits up. Sleep isn’t going to happen right this minute. ]

I was surprised you even put up with me last night.

You sure didn’t have to… I was drunk.

I thought you were upset anyway after what happened before you left.

Are you?

[ And send. Might as well address head on. It was bad enough that she was gone; she’d really like to be able to talk to her again. She'd acknowledge that much. ]

Two months later - Utopaea, India

[realitybendstomywill]

[She isn’t nervous. There is absolutely no need to be nervous just because a friend is visiting. A friend who just so happens to be a smart, talented, incredible, beautiful woman, who makes her feel things she hasn’t felt in years, who puts a smile on her face every time they talk, and--

Okay. So maybe she is nervous, and quite noticeably so, if the butterflies in her stomach are anything to go by.

So she tries to shake the nervousness off by taking on simple tasks, such as making sure that her apartment is one hundred percent orderly and perfect, with everything in its right place. But her nervousness only increases the closer she gets to the moment of Ashe’s arrival, and by the time she finds herself waiting for the other woman at the airport, she is both excited and anxious, enough so that the sounds of the people talking around her are almost enough to send her into a sensory overload, and she wishes they could all go somewhere and just shut up…

And then she sees her, and the world around her goes quieter, as if someone turned the volume all the way down.

Having planned this for so long doesn’t make things any easier when they finally see each other face to face for the first time in two months. Satya smiles warmly as she approaches the other woman, and there’s a Welcome to India escaping her lips before she knows it, because she simply doesn’t know what else to say. The nervousness comes rushing back and so does the noise, and Satya reacts on instinct, seeking out something that may help her in a situation like this: physical contact. She gives Ashe a quick hug, and the sudden closeness and her scent are enough to calm her down, even though she pulls away only a few seconds after.

Huh. That is so much better-- and so much faster-- than trying to calm down all by herself. Is it because she grounded her mind through physical touch, or because she reached out for Ashe? She doesn’t know, and right now, she doesn’t want to think too much about that, either.

Things are uneventful after that, as they make their way to Satya’s home: an elegantly decorated, massive apartment in one of Utopaea’s tallest buildings, a building that she just so happened to be the main architech for. She helps Ashe get settled in her guestroom, and after a while, leaves her be so her friend can rest from such an exhausting trip. In the meantime, she searches through her walk-in closet for something for both of them to wear for their walk around town later on; Ashe did tell her that she wanted to try on some typical Indian clothing, after all.

It doesn’t take her long to find one of the most beautiful saris she owns, mostly black but with just the right amount of red to bring out Ashe’s eyes. Perfect.

When the time comes for both of them to get ready to go out, she gives the carefully folded clothes to her friend, instructing her to put on the choli-- the blouse-- and the underskirt first, and that she will help with the rest. Predictably, her stubborn friend must have tried to put it all on by herself, because Satya finds herself waiting outside Ashe’s bedroom for much longer than she would have to, had the other woman done as she told her to. So when Ashe finally tells her to come in, Satya walks into the room with an amused smile on her lips, already dressed up and ready to leave.]

There is a reason why I said you would require my assistance, you realize?

[deadlock_diva]

[ Even when the flights overseas were nowhere near as long as they had been in the distant past, Ashe still felt highly uncomfortable in such an enclosed space for that amount of time. At least she’d gotten herself a window seat in first class; she had the option of spreading out a bit. The extra room to breathe definitely helped her get through the flight.

The fact that she was excited might have played a part in just how incredibly antsy she’d been on the plane. Honestly? She’d never gone to see a friend like this before. Her vacations were usually spent on her own with B.O.B. and the few friends she did have were busy with their own lives. Nothing ever aligned; not enough for her to make the effort to do plan accordingly.

Not until she met Satya. Their video calls and texts over the past few months only fed the anticipation of this little vacation. Spending a full week together with no responsibilities; just sight seeing and enjoying each other’s company.

When she gets off the plane (a little too eagerly), she takes a moment to look around until she spots her, looking just as well-put-together and radiant as she remembered. If not more so. Ashe can’t quite help but smile as they approach each other.

The hug from Satya comes as a surprise; her shoulders stiffen a bit before she slowly and awkwardly returns it. Ashe doesn’t do hugs. Especially not so out of the blue like that. But it’s fine. This is fine. It isn’t like she enjoyed the moment of closeness. No.

…Okay. Maybe she did. But, it's nothing. She's just happy to see her friend again.

Once they reach Satya’s apartment, she takes a moment to admire how well decorated it is. It’s unsurprising that her home would be as neat and orderly as she was. Taking a while to just… sit on the bed in the guest room, she closes her eyes for a few moments, trying to will away those effects of jetlag that hit her like a speeding truck.

Not too long after, she finds herself taking the Sari from Satya, tilting her head as she looks it over. And soon she is trying everything imaginable to attempt to put the damn thing on herself. The underskirt is so tight. Surely it’s too small? The shirt is… well. A lot more of her fair skin is showing than usual. It isn’t a bad thing, but when she doesn’t make a habit of showing off her stomach, it does take some getting used to.

That lovely fabric in hand, Ashe is holding it up, staring at it like it’s something absurdly foreign. Her gaze flickers over to Satya and then back to the fabric—] Yeah. I got it- [ And then she does a double take. Wow. ]

You look amazin’. [ Again. W o w. Alright, alright. Stop staring. She tears her gaze away and turns an accusing glance back to the sari. ] These clothes are plenty pretty, but I think I may’ve gotten the short end of the stick here, sugar. Yours looks significantly less difficult to put on than this monstrosity.

How the hell does this work?

[realitybendstomywill]

[When she pulls the other woman into a hug, she is so close to sensory overload that she almost doesn’t notice the way Ashe tenses up, and she is just about to apologize when her friend relaxes and returns the hug. That’s so much better, but perhaps she should apologize all the same, later on, when they aren’t surrounded by any stimuli that will make Satya react on instinct once again? Yes, that is a good idea.

In the meanwhile, she does her best to forget about how good it felt to have Ashe in her arms.

She is still trying to shake off the warmth left behind by their closeness, hours later, when she walks up to Ashe as she tries to figure out just how saris work. She can’t hold back an amused chuckle at her friend’s look of utter confusion, and the hilarity of the situation helps her ignore the fact that Ashe looks amazing, and she’s only wearing the choli and the underskirt; she’s going to look gorgeous when the sari is wrapped in place, she just knows.

Satya does not expect Ashe to do a double take or for her to compliment her like that, and that odd warmth fills her chest again, her cheeks heating up in response. She smiles to herself, feeling almost shy.]

Thank you. [She takes the fabric from Ashe’s hands, laughing quietly as she goes on to complain about how hard it is to put it on. And then her friend asks her how it works, and Satya’s lips curl into a playful little smirk, because she really can’t resist answering that with:] Witchcraft, of course.

[She laughs once again, delighted that she managed to use Ashe’s own words to tease her back, and that she gets to help her friend put on a sari. Holding one of the ends, she lets the fabric fall gracefully on to the floor, and is just about to tuck the first section in when she realizes Ashe doesn’t know what to expect. She looks up at the other woman.]

In order to be worn, the sari needs to be tucked into the petticoat. I will have to touch your waist several times to do it correctly. Is that alright? [She doesn’t want to make Ashe uncomfortable, and she doesn’t want to accidentally trample over her comfort zone.] If you would rather I didn’t touch you, you can borrow a lehenga like the one I am wearing, and you can put it on by yourself.

[deadlock_diva]

[ When she’d been expecting a matter-of-fact and serious response only to be met with ”Witchcraft, of course,” Ashe can’t quite help but laugh. Alright. That’s pretty fantastic. ]

I should’a known. The lot of you are a bunch’a witches.

[ Pardon her while she adjusts the petticoat with a soft grimace. It’s so tight. Why is it so tight? Moreover, why do Indian clothes require a degree in rocket science just to put on? Why did she think this was a good idea? She has plenty of nice clothes from home she can wear.

But no. She wants to try them anyway. Because they’re niec looking and she’d really like to stand out just a little less in this foreign country. ]

Think this thing may be a little too small.

[ She pauses, tilting her head as Satya’s explains how she’d be putting the sari on her. Honestly? That doesn’t sound bad, and she really couldn’t care less. Considering how much Satya had been forced to touch her in order to assist her while she was sick, this isn’t too terribly different from that.

Out of necessity, those boundaries had already been broken. She responds with a small shrug of her shoulders. ]

That’s alright. I don’t mind. Already made it this far.

[realitybendstomywill]

[Satya laughs again, but she doesn’t reply: she just waves her left hand in a graceful motion, several sparks of hard-light flaring up from the palm of her cybernetic hand. Hearing Ashe laugh so freely is… quite wonderful, actually. Huh.

She smiles patiently at the other woman as she adjusts the petticoat, knowing very well what she is thinking; she once thought the same thing, many years ago, when she first learned how to put on a sari. If Ashe had told her that one of the reasons why she wanted to wear a sari was so she could stand out a little less, Satya would have simply replied with an it’s impossible for a woman as beautiful as you are not to stand out, regardless of where you are-- but she doesn’t, and the architech remains blissfully ignorant of Ashe’s motivations.]

Not to worry: it is supposed to be a little tight, or the sari won’t stay in place. You will get used to it soon, I promise.

[After all, the fabric of the sari will act as padding after it is tucked in, making it far more comfortable-- or less uncomfortable, as it were-- to wear the petticoat. She nods when Ashe says she’s okay with her continuing, and finally gets started with dressing up her friend.]

Very well. This won’t take long.

[It won’t, but Satya still takes her time making sure everything is done as perfectly as it should be. She starts by tucking the end of the sari into the petticoat by Ashe’s right hip, and continues to tuck it all the way around her waist, walking around the other woman as she does so, until she is standing in front of her again. To say she is focused on Ashe would be putting it mildly: all of her attention is on the other woman, and on trying to make the fabric adjust to her body-- she notices every scar, every little mark on her skin, and has to cling to every shred of self-control not to trace them with her fingertips.

Measuring the distance from Ashe’s right hipbone to her bellybutton, Satya begins to fold the fabric into several pleats, and holds up the pallu-- the loose end of the sari-- for Ashe to hold up for a moment.]

Hold this up for me, please.

[When Ashe holds on to the drape, Satya tucks the pleats into the waistband of the petticoat, at the front, before kneeling down to adjust the pleats by her feet. It’s a good thing that she must lower her head as she does so, too, because she’s having a hard time looking at the other woman after feeling how soft the skin of her stomach is-- and how she accidentally touched a scar that was hidden from view, just like she had wanted to-- and she wishes she could stay detached, she really does, but she never realized that helping Ashe into a sari would be so strangely intimate. Taking a deep breath, she finally stands up again, and takes the fabric from Ashe’s hands so she can do the last wrap: Satya wraps the sari diagonally from Ashe’s left hip up to her torso, and then drapes the pallu over her left shoulder.]

Many women use the pallu over their arm like this, but I am assuming you will want to move a little more freely than that, so I’ll pleat it up for you. [She does a different pleat this time, making it look more natural, and adjusts the front of the sari so that it is hugging Ashe’s torso, tugging slightly at the back to tuck one of the corners of the pallu next to the pleats at the front. After smoothing the fabric over one last time, Satya finally takes a step back to appreciate her handiwork, and for a long moment, all she can do is stare.

Even Goddesses would wish for your beauty, she breathes out, speaking in Hindi, the words coming out in a rush. And then she smiles, the fondness in her eyes as obvious as the curl to her lips, and leads her friend by the shoulders to the full body mirror by the closet.]

You look… [Gorgeous, amazing, beautiful, divine-- Satya discards all of those compliments as simultaneously too much and not enough. She meets Ashe’s eyes in the mirror and swallows hard.] …stunning.

Deadlock Gorge, AZ - 9:45PM :: Post traumatic nightmares :: Sometime in the future

[deadlock_diva]

[ B.O.B. had been the first to go down. No. Not even go down; he had been obliterated in a matter of moments. Almost as though someone had been studying him and knew his ins and outs. The triplets had been next, dropping like flies at the wrong end of a skilled sniper. Bars was in pieces. The rest of the gang was strewn out, dead or barely alive across the old Deadlock warehouse that was now crawling with soldiers. Somehow, their precise location had fallen into the wrong hands and this was the price they had to pay.

Perhaps it had only been a matter of time, but Ashe had always hoped it wouldn’t end this way.

Having beaten the enemy sniper at his own damn game, Ashe quickly reloads the last 4 bullets she had on her, eyes scanning the surrounding area as waits for Satya to finish placing her teleporters to get them out of the warehouse. She’s shoved her emotions to the side, though she knows the feeling of loss is going to be debilitating once they can break away and get to safety. Their family is dead. Every single last one of them and somehow… she feels that this is her fault. Something went wrong and she failed to catch it.

She breathes out slowly, swallowing hard against those welling emotions all over again. Her brow furrows as she spares her wife a quick glance, taking a few steps back and closer to her, ready to fire if any threat charges their way. At the very least, at least she can protect her and get her out alive. ]

How’s it goin’, Satya? [ The calmness in her demeanor is so noticeably forced and her expression could only be defined as lost. ] Them teleporters ‘bout ready? We need to leave. Now.

[realitybendstomywill]

[It was only a matter of time, Satya thinks to herself as they run away to safety, unknowingly mirroring Ashe’s thoughts and fixating on the apparent inevitability of their demise as a lousy coping mechanism to deal with her inability to fix the mess they are in. In truth, she is doing her best not to completely dissociate from reality as her overwhelmed mind tries to keep up with the constant threats surrounding them, because their family is dead and Talon’s forces are closing in, and no one is coming to save them…

She is brought back from actually dissociating when she feels something hit her from behind, making her stumble, but she doesn’t see anyone walking up to them, and she doesn’t realize what happened until she feels something wet and warm trickle down her back.

Oh.

She knows her anatomy lessons, and she knows her math: Satya knows that being shot in the lung isn’t lethal, not instantly, but she also knows that she would need to be rushed to the hospital immediately to ensure her survival, and even if they make it out of the warehouse alive-- a very big if, given the sheer number of soldiers after them-- she would never make it to the nearest hospital on time. Not only that, but Ashe’s life would be in even more danger as she helped her get to safety-- a futile effort, given the absolute impossibility of her survival in these circumstances, and she doesn’t want her to die, even if that means sacrificing her own life for her wife to get a headstart.

Satya would almost laugh at the fact that she is able to cling to her logic even while she’s actively dying, but nothing seems funny at the moment, so she focuses on doing something yet again. Her photon projector is almost out of energy, but there’s still enough to place a barrier around them and to deploy her teleporters; the real challenge lies in placing the teleporter exit somewhere that isn’t crawling with soldiers.

She nods numbly at the other woman, barely able to notice how broken she looks, the sheer physical exertion of running around with a bullet wound in her thorax finally getting to her.]

I think so. If my calculations are correct, they should take us... [Too many words at once. Satya takes in a shuddered breath, but it’s shallower than she would like.] ...should take us outside where we have a slightly better chance of survival.

[Her eyes finally focus on Ashe, and she wants to reach out and touch her, wants to kiss her and bury her fingers in her hair, but now is not the time. Satya sways on her feet and steps closer to the wall, leaning heavily against it, until her legs give out and she can feel herself slide slowly down to the floor.]

Go ahead. I need… I need to rest. Just for a moment.

[deadlock_diva]

[ There’s something eerily off-putting about the way Satya pauses and takes in that shaky breath; it definitely grabs Ashe’s attention again. However, by the time she turns to look at the other woman, she’s already swaying and slumping against the wall, leaving behind a trail of blood as she slides to the floor. The echoes of Talon's forces fade into the background and everything around her goes silent.

A breath catches in her throat and her eyes widen, when the full extent of the realization hits her and it's during that time that Ashe can’t move. She can’t even breathe. What had happened? No. It’s obvious; they had been avoiding gunfire all damn afternoon. But when had Satya been shot? When? She’d been running right next to her the entire time. Why hadn’t she said anything? Finding herself again, she scrambles over to her, the gun falling from her hands and hitting the ground as she drops to her knees beside her. ]

No, Satya-No, no, no! You can’t! There's no time!

[ There’s that crack in her already crumbling composure. Especially when she can feel the blood oozing from Satya’s back as she winds her arm underneath her shoulders. Instead of insisting she stand, she settles on sliding her opposite arm underneath her knees. She still has her coach gun. It will buy them some time if anyone dares to get close enough. She’ll carry her through those damn portals herself. ]

Just stay with me. I’ll getcha out’a here.

[ Ashe’s tenses her arms and begins to lift the other woman from the ground, but then almost drops her, dipping forward with a soft gasp. She tries again, but to no avail. One more time and she can’t even get to her knees; her eyes are glassy, her arms shaking as she resorts to pulling the other woman into her lap and holding her as close as she can manage, applying pressure to that gaping hole in her back. Her other hand curls into her black hair as she presses her forehead to her temple.

That small crack lengths and chips. ]

I can’t… [ She whispers, broken; breathless. ] Please! You have to get up.

[ She’s pleading with her. Wishing, hoping… praying that it isn’t as bad as it looks, even though she knows it is. That spot where all the blood is oozing from? She’s been shot there herself, and more recently than she would like to recall. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[Satya blinks at the sound of the gun clattering as it hits the ground. That can’t be safe; surely Ashe should be more aware of gun safety by now? The last thing either one of them needs is to get shot accidentally-- well, the last thing Ashe needs, because Satya knows she won’t make it, so it really would make no difference to her if she caught another stray bullet or not.

For a moment, she wonders if she was also shot in the heart, because the pain blooming in her chest feels a lot like a bullet wound.]

Of course there is no time. You must go. [With her hand holding on tight to Ashe’s shirt and her face turning towards her chest, she is somewhat aware that she is giving her wife mixed signals with her verbal and non-verbal communication, but she is having a hard time caring about that when there are far more important things to do, like clinging to the love of her life while she still can.

She doesn’t realize what Ashe is about to do until the other woman places an arm underneath her knees, and as if the sudden change in position isn’t painful enough by itself, Ashe tries to lift her up, failing spectacularly at such a physically demanding task. Satya cries out in pain, a breathless stop leaving her lips when Ashe tries to lift her again, until the other woman finally gives up and pulls her into her lap instead, holding her as close as Satya wants her to-- as close as she needs her to. She tries to hold on to Ashe as tightly as she did before, but it feels as if her strength is fading away far more quickly than she would like, so she moves that hand up to Ashe’s hair, taking comfort from the familiar softness of those beautiful strands.]

I can’t. Elizabeth, you… [She takes another slow breath, her eyes fluttering closed for a split second, and she only realizes right then that her eyes are already uncomfortably wet.] You must leave. I will… I will hold them off. I don’t-- I don’t want you to die. Not because of me.

[deadlock_diva]

[ Ashe knows all too well the ramifications of dropping a loaded gun, but her hands couldn’t hold it anymore and she’s long since forgotten of its existence as her concern shifted from the need to protect her wife, to the need to stay with her during what may be her last moments.

Last moments.

Her breath catches again as that realization sinks in deeper. She slips her arm from underneath Satya’s knees, and wraps it around her waist, her hold on her tightening as though she may disappear. No. No. She can’t lose her… Please, not like this. If given the choice she would gladly take another bullet if it meant reversing this scenario. Satya never deserved this fate. ]

No! I’m not leavin’ you!

[ Her voice is sharp, and perhaps a bit too loud. Not that it mattered; they weren’t alone anymore. A couple of soldiers had already found their way to the barrier and were beginning the task of breaking through it. Ashe ignores them, not even seeming to notice them as she holds her dying wife in her arms, her resolve to get out alive completely shattered. No amount of vengeance could make up for the loss she’s suffered today.

The familiar feeling of Satya’s fingers in her hair only does so much to soothe her. Thinking about how it would be the last time, causes her own eyes to well up with tears. She doesn’t even try to hold them back, and they slide down her cheeks as she pulls her hand from around Satya’s waist and tilts her chin up, pressing a desperate kiss to her lips no sooner does she tell her to go a second time.

A soft whimper escapes the gunslinger as she pulls back after a moment, choking back a sob and resting her hand against Satya’s cheek. ]

And do what, Satya? What are my chances? [ She laughs humorlessly. ] Just stop. This is all on me to begin with. You had nothin’ to do with this, sugar. You can rest easy.

[ She pauses briefly to collect herself again, her voice softening. ]

Please, just let me hold you… I couldn’t protect you, but I sure as hell ain’t lettin’ you die alone.

Deadlock Gorge, AZ - 3:24AM :: A second chance :: 4 months after the shit with Vishkar

[deadlock_diva]

[ So this was it. She’d finally hurt Satya beyond repair and in the most cruel way. Her own words had been ruthless even to her own ears. But why? Why now? Things hadn’t been that bad, had they? Why'd she let her anger build up so such an explosive level? Why would she say those things to the woman she actually loved? No answers were being had here. Nothing but pain and regret.

A loud clap of thunder causes Ashe’s eyes snap open and she inhales sharply, almost choking shortly thereafter. She sits up straight from where her head had been resting against the passenger seat window of the van B.O.B. is currently driving. The Omnic spares her a quick glance, tilting his head as though to ask “You alright?”

Ashe briefly meets those green optics before she huffs and settles back against her seat, giving a dismissive wave of her hand. B.O.B.’s not entirely convinced, but he can’t very well take his eyes off the road when it’s storming out. Ashe closes her eyes again, but then they snap open just as quickly as, yet another, realization hits her. Those text messages. That fight they'd had. She reaches to fish her phone from her pocket, taps the screen to activate it and-

Of course it’s dead. That little recollection comes back to her: It’s been dead since they'd gotten to the bar. There’s a fleeting bit of relief that crosses her expression as she sits back again, clutching her phone in her hand as B.O.B. drives onward. Funny how much she’d been dreading going back home, and now? Well… she can hardly wait. Exhausted and full of alcohol as she is, she finds that she can no longer sit still. What makes things worse is the drunken conversation going on in the back seat. How Zeke mentions how down Satya's seemed lately. How unlike herself. How unhappy; the others humming in agreement. She shifts in her seat and keeps trying to turn her phone on, despite knowing that it's dead. Dropping the boys off at the hideout felt as though it took decades with their constant chatter and then the drive out to her own home in complete silence? Centuries.

No sooner does the van come to a halt, does Ashe say a very quick see ya later to B.O.B. before all but kicking the door open and hopping out, forgetting the shut the door behind her. She almost stumbles, finding her gait to be incredibly unsteady from all the alcohol she’d consumed this evening, but she finds her balance well enough to traverse the short distance to her front steps and make it inside, hair slightly damp from the rain.

B.O.B. watches after her with a shake of his head, reaching to pull the passenger’s door closed before slowly turning the van around to head back to the hideout. Someone had to take care of the boys this evening. At least Ashe had Satya and she seemed to be in an awfully big hurry to get inside.

Dropping her things by the front door, Ashe immediately heads to the bedroom, or rather, she starts to when she catches Satya’s sleeping form on the couch. She catches herself on the wall, turning around and making a beeline for the couch. She breathes out slowly, dropping to her knees next to the other woman. It's only then that she starts noticing. Noticing how she hasn't noticed the change in her girlfriend. How rarely she really took the time to look at her anymore. Has she gotten thinner? Do her eyes normally look that dark? Why does she look… so sad? They hadn’t had a fight, had they? That’d been just a dream?

Her brow furrows as she folds her arm against the edge of the couch cushion, simply watching her sleep for a moment as she gathers up the courage to wake her and find out. Slowly, hesitantly, she raises her hand and brushes her knuckles against Satya’s cheek. ]

Hey…

[ She says in a voice that is far softer than she means for it to be. What is she doing on the couch? Why not the bed? ]

C'mon, sugar. Whatcha doin' out here?

[realitybendstomywill]

[At first, everything is wonderful. The first few weeks of living together pass by in a blur, Satya adapting almost seamlessly to her new life by Ashe’s side-- to living together, something they could only dream of, months before-- and to her country, even though the culture shock is often significant enough to leave her flabbergasted and horribly confused. She gets to know the boys a little better, too, and grows fond of B.O.B. in a way she did not expect, like he’s actually human. She slowly gets used to taking care of three cats, to not living in the city, and tries to get used to living in the desert, but the dust that always gets everywhere reminds her too much of all the dirt in the slums, and she hates that.

It’s okay, though: she can push aside her almost obsessive need for cleanliness just a tiny bit, because this means she and Ashe are finally together, without thousands of kilometers getting in the way.

But then things begin to change, and it happens so subtly-- so gradually-- that Satya can’t pinpoint the moment it all started to fall apart. The sheer joy of finally living together fading away just enough for the novelty of it to wear off. The dawning realization that she will never be an architech again, creeping in and occupying her thoughts while Ashe is away for work. Her girlfriend becoming busier, so much so that there are days Satya is already fast asleep by the time Ashe comes back home. Satya wanting to speak about what happened, wanting to be comforted, only to have Ashe miss all of the (very obvious) hints. How their sex life is the only thing that remains normal, until things are so weirdly strained that they are barely intimate anymore. The growing feeling of being stuck-- of being caged-- in a house in the middle of nowhere, when she used to live in a world renowned city with everything she could ever dream of located within walking distance. The growing distance between them, the lack of physical affection, the isolation-- made so much worse by how frequently Ashe is away for work, all of a sudden. The hours that stretch into days of being alone-- of being lonely-- in a house that is not her own, in a strange culture, in a strange country. And the excruciatingly painful, ever-present awareness that she will never be able to go back to her previous life, that she will never again shape order out of chaos, or make the world a better place.

She misses creation, misses turning dust and nothingness into state of the art buildings and infrastructures. She misses the wide space and view from her apartment. She misses how wonderful it was to have Ashe visit, and how proud it made her feel to take her girlfriend to see places she had built. She misses home, and it’s only then, when she finds herself thinking back to her life in Utopaea, that she realizes something horrible, something that shakes her to the core and makes her doubt her own feelings and thoughts-- something that has been building up for the past few months, the more Ashe seems to push her away: this doesn’t feel like home anymore.

For the first time since she was a child, Satya cries herself to sleep that night, and wakes up feeling horrible. This is not who she is: this pathetic, weak, flawed mess of a human being, so far from perfection it is downright laughable.

So she tries to take control of her life, focusing on the little things she can control, as opposed to everything else she has spectacularly lost control of. Satya pays even more attention to cleanliness and order, her routines becoming even stricter and inflexible, and doubles up on her physical training in hopes that it will help her mind tire as much as her body does. It doesn’t, but at least it keeps her busy enough to forget how cripplingly lonely she feels by herself, if only for a little while.

By the time Ashe goes away for work for four entire days, Satya is on the verge of a mental breakdown, barely keeping herself together as it is. She feels lost, disoriented and utterly alone, and there is only so much the cats can do to improve her mood when she just wants to run away from everything and everyone and go back to how things were, even if that means working for the people who manipulated her since childhood and who actively conspired against her relationship with Ashe. At least she would feel useful again. As the hours pass and Satya waits for Ashe to get back, she tries to get in touch with her again but her cellphone seems to either be turned off our out of signal, and that is yet another cause for concern, given how terrible the weather is tonight. So Satya decides to wait up for her instead of going to bed, making herself a fresh cup of chai as she settles down on the couch with the cats.

She dreams, too, although her nightmare is nowhere near as detailed and cruel as Ashe’s. She is trapped in a hard-light cage in the middle of the desert, alone, but the days and nights pass and no one comes looking for her, and she thinks she sees Ashe in the distance, but it could just as easily be a hallucination caused by dehydration and hunger…

And then she feels that caress, so painfully familiar that she gravitates towards it even in her sleep, her expression becoming almost pained as she leans into Ashe’s touch. Hey, she thinks she hears Ashe say, and her eyes blink slowly as she finally wakes up, only to snap open when she realizes her girlfriend is finally back.

Ashe is right: Satya is thinner. Between worrying about Ashe’s wellbeing and hyperfocusing on her own lack of purpose in life now that she is no longer one of the world’s top architechs-- now that she is no longer an architech, period-- she hasn’t had much of an appetite. And given that one of the coping mechanisms she has been using to handle her negative emotions has been doubling up on her exercises, well… it’s no wonder she has lost enough weight to be noticeable. Now that she is awake, the circles under her eyes become even more obvious than they were as she slept, making her look as exhausted as she truly feels.]

Elizabeth, [she breathes out her name like a sigh of relief, her lips curling into a tired but genuine smile. Satya starts to reach for her but then stops, her hand falling on to her lap. She remembers all too well how Ashe has been shying away from her touch whenever she gets home, lately, too tired to want any kind of physical contact. Tonight isn’t going to be any different, she guesses, especially given how she has been away for four days. Her smile falters for a split second before it goes right back to how it was.] Welcome home.

[Having woken up just now, her mind is drowsy enough for Satya not to grasp what Ashe means at first. It takes her a moment to realize the other woman is asking her why she is sleeping on the couch, and Satya has to bite back the immediate response, painful and raw: I could not stand another night alone. That bed is too big without you by my side.]

I was waiting for you to return. Your phone has been unavailable for hours and the weather is simply dreadful, so it seemed like the most logical course of action. [It’s the truth: not the whole truth, but her words are truthful nonetheless. Satya gives a little one shouldered shrug, as if dismissing her own words and actions as irrelevant, and decides to change the subject. Even though Ashe has stopped talking about work, even though she barely says anything when Satya asks her about it, the architech forces herself to act as normally as she can.] How was work? I do hope the boys behaved adequately.

[It is only then that Satya realizes how long it has been since Ashe sat down by her feet like that, and she wants to reach down and caress her cheek, to run her fingers through her hair like she always does-- no, not like she always does. Like she used to do, and that thought ensures that she stays right as she is, unmoving.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ To say that the past few months had been rough would be an understatement. She’d come across an entire list; a train schedule along with the cargo they’d be carrying and where they were being delivered. All that’d been left for Ashe to do was find out the routes they would take and get ready to act from there. The fact that they’d confiscated more than half of those scores successfully meant several things: More weaponry to sell, more profit for their gang, and less time for her girlfriend who was mourning a loss and experiencing culture shock all at the same time.

In all honesty, Ashe isn’t entirely sure when things started changing either, but she knows all too well by now that her increase in work had a lot to do with it. In addition to that, the little things that didn’t seem like such a big deal may have also been key factors. The way Satya always seemed to be moving about, doing something on the rare occasions that she was home. How immaculate and almost sterilized (to Ashe) her usually very warm and cozy home now was. The frequency of which her cats (much to Festus’ chagrin) were groomed and brushed so that no dander was left on the furniture, corners and floors. How clingy and needy Satya became at night when they were snuggling in to go to sleep and when they were intimate.

And then there was the ever-present worry for Ashe’s safety. That was all well, good and understandable at first, but the amount of worrying she did quickly got under Ashe’s skin and she began leaving earlier, coming home later as to avoid the conversation altogether. She stopped talking about work and told her that she was “too tired to get into it right now.” She avoided her touches and opted to go straight to sleep. She avoided her gaze. Avoided her entirely. It’s no wonder that she’s the only one who didn’t notice these changes when B.O.B. and the others sat back to bear witness to her girlfriend slowly beginning to crack from the sheer amount of grief.

Fortunately, that very cruel dream had also been all too real. She felt everything from the anger to the loss. She felt Satya crying against her before they said goodbye. She felt her heart sink as she questioned why she couldn’t have been more present. Her job wasn’t life or death. Another score was just… another score. She was set financially and could easily live very comfortably for the rest of her life if she wanted to. So what was stopping her from staying home for a while? What was stopping her from helping her girlfriend to heal from the devastating madness life threw her?

What was in the way?

Ashe swallows hard as she looks up at Satya, her brow furrowing as her gaze flickers from Satya’s face, to her neck, her shoulders, chest to the notably smaller curve of her waist and hips. There’s something incredibly unnerving about how much thinner she’s gotten, how almost emaciated she looks when coupled with the sheer exhaustion. She looks as though she’s been suffering. She returns her attention to Satya’s eyes and how her smile doesn’t quite reach them; how the usual warmth is absent for just how lost she looks.

Nevermind the way that Satya hesitates and then lowers her hand as though she isn't allowed to touch her. As though she’s been forbidden to. There’s a wall between them that feels almost tangible; a wall that could be easily knocked down if Ashe would just let it happen.

A long few seconds pass before Ashe even acknowledges that she heard her girlfriend speak; she didn’t. She doesn’t even know what she said to her. She heard her name and that’s it. Slowly, she lifts her hands to cup Satya’s cheeks, thumbs gently caressing her skin. She sits up straighter on her knees for better reach and pulls her in, kissing her desperately. She doesn’t even consider how much her breath tastes and smells like alcohol; that hardly seems to matter right now. For a moment, she lingers there, her hands sliding down Satya’s face, to her neck and then finally her shoulders as she pulls back. ]

You’re… What-? Oh… Satya-

[ She breathes, unable to even form the words to convey just how sorry she is. A member of her family, one of the closest ones, is suffering and she’s done nothing to fix it. Instead of speaking, she winds her arms up under Satya’s shoulders, lifting her just so she can sit next to her and gather her into her arms. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[Satya watches as the other woman looks from her face to the rest of her body, her smile fading slightly in her confusion. That is the most attention Ashe has paid to her in days, if not weeks, and she feels like a specimen under a microscope lens, like her very soul has been laid bare for Ashe to dissect; she feels exposed, in a way she has never felt under the other woman’s gaze. She is used to the warmth of Ashe’s eyes on her, to the flare of heat brought on by her girlfriend looking at her just so, but not this; she feels as if Ashe is peeling away her crumbling façade to see the chaos underneath. It’s unnerving and unsightly and she wishes she was strong enough to keep her mask in place like she used to be able to do.

Unaware of the thoughts running through Ashe’s mind, Satya waits for her to reply, until it dawns on her that the other woman probably didn’t even pay attention to what she said, which isn’t new-- it has happened more times than she’d like, lately-- but it still feels like a punch to the gut. Satya feels like she’s on the verge of tears, and that isn’t new, either, but it’s the first time it happens in front of Ashe when she has been so careful to keep her pain hidden from view--

And then Ashe cradles her cheeks, her touch gentle, before sitting up straighter and tugging her in for a desperate kiss, almost bruising in its intensity. Satya’s eyes widen and her body goes slack for a moment before she finally reacts, a pained little sound forming in her throat as she kisses Ashe in return with that same desperation, her hands all but clawing at Ashe’s shoulders as she tries to bring her closer. It’s only then that she realizes her girlfriend is drunk, and that thought is as painful as everything going on at the moment, because of course Ashe would only reach for her under the effect of an intoxicating substance when she has done her best to keep her distance while sober… Satya feels her throat closing up with unshed tears, which come dangerously close to falling when the other woman pulls back.]

What…? [She tries to make sense of Ashe’s words, which are probably little more than drunken gibberish, but then she’s moving on to the couch and pulling her closer and Satya lets out a quiet oh in surprise, not expecting that to happen, either. Although she doesn’t understand what is going on, her reaction is automatic: she wraps her arms around Ashe in return, clinging to her as if her life depended on it.]

I do not understand. [After a moment has passed, she dares to speak again, but her voice is quiet and muffled by their close proximity.] Did something happen? Is everyone alright?

[Surely something must have happened, like someone getting injured or almost dying, making Ashe want to feel alive after such a terrible event. Or perhaps it is only the alcohol speaking, because Ashe hasn’t been this close to her in weeks. Whatever the real reason is and however temporary this closeness may be, Satya is going to seize the moment for all that it’s worth, even if it means she’ll be disappointed and heartbroken when Ashe goes back to being sober and her current mood wears off: she buries her face against Ashe’s shoulder, her fingers fisting on the clothes at her girlfriend’s lower back as she clings to her in obvious desperation.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ Even as much alcohol as Ashe consumed, she was sober enough to see what was going on here. That dream alone had pulled her whatever drunken stupor she had been in. The most she felt was the fuzziness; the fog that clouded her mind just enough to make her thought process just a little more difficult to weave through for just how slowly it moved.

That sad little sound that Satya makes, the way she claws at her shoulders and then grasps at the fabric on her back when she settles in as close as she can… That’s so very telling. So very telling that she’s been neglected by the one person who should have been taking care of her and sheltering her through this proverbial storm. ]

No. [ She replies in a whisper, once she feels that she can form coherent sentences again. ] You’re not. And I'm a damn fool for not realizin' sooner.

[ Turning her head, she presses her lips to Satya’s forehead. ]

I'm just a little too drunk to have a meaningful conversation. [ Her words are a touch slurred, though she's trying with all her might to speak clearly. She sighs, gently taking Satya by the shoulders so that she can push her back enough to look her in the eyes. ] Come to the kitchen with me? I’ll make us some coffee and then we’ll talk.

[ She’d only just settled on the couch with her, but they need to talk now. Tonight. Or… this morning, whatever. The point being that this conversation isn't going to wait any longer. She can fix her current issue; sobering up isn't that difficult. A few cups of coffee and maybe an early breakfast ought to do the trick. ]

Whatcha say, sugar?