I kissed a girl and I liked it.

[deadlock_diva]

(( PSL for realitybendstomywill ))


[ Ashe steps out onto the front porch of her small county house, taking in a deep breath of the warm, desert air. It feels so good to be free from the shackles of her illness. After two and a half weeks of pain, misery and recuperating, she wanted to go out and do something that wasn’t lying in bed or being limited to the rooms in her house. Symmetra was leaving within the next day or two and she also felt the need to express her gratitude.

Because… yanno. Ashe wasn’t a pleasant person when she was sick and she knew that all too well. Not that they hadn’t reached an understanding and gotten through that initial unpleasantness, but still.

The day before, she’d suggested that they go into town in the evening for a girl’s night out. Ashe never really had a lot of girl friends in the past and had silently always wondered what it’d be like. She assumed it was a lot different than the loud and rowdy times she had with her boys; which was fine and dandy enough, but sometimes? Getting dressed up just for the sake of it (and maybe for the sake of turning a few heads) sounded like a much better time to her. A different thrill from the bar fights, gambling and alcohol induced shenanigans.

Waiting for the other woman to finish getting ready, she drops her purse on the first step and then turns to take a seat on the porch swing, settling against the back and looking out at the quiet desert before her. She smooths out the soft fabric of the yellow dress she wore and then reaches to adjust the light brown fringe that exposed her shoulders and hung just low enough for a tasteful amount of cleavage. Her normally straight hair held soft curls that framed her face, the longer side lightly bouncing over her shoulder as the breeze blew through the porch. The belt that hugs her slim waist is the same light brown as the fringe, the buckle in the shape of a flower and adorned with turquoise stones. She’d chosen some strappy sandals instead of heels; being that she was still in the process of recovering, she hadn’t wanted to push herself too much. Plus, it was such a nice day for a light and flowy garment. Hell, it was the first time she’d worn a dress in a long while.

Leaning her head back, she closes her eyes, content to enjoy the wind on her face and the calm silence that only someone who lives out in the middle of absolute nowhere could grow accustomed to. ]

Comments

[deadlock_diva]

[ Even when the flights overseas were nowhere near as long as they had been in the distant past, Ashe still felt highly uncomfortable in such an enclosed space for that amount of time. At least she’d gotten herself a window seat in first class; she had the option of spreading out a bit. The extra room to breathe definitely helped her get through the flight.

The fact that she was excited might have played a part in just how incredibly antsy she’d been on the plane. Honestly? She’d never gone to see a friend like this before. Her vacations were usually spent on her own with B.O.B. and the few friends she did have were busy with their own lives. Nothing ever aligned; not enough for her to make the effort to do plan accordingly.

Not until she met Satya. Their video calls and texts over the past few months only fed the anticipation of this little vacation. Spending a full week together with no responsibilities; just sight seeing and enjoying each other’s company.

When she gets off the plane (a little too eagerly), she takes a moment to look around until she spots her, looking just as well-put-together and radiant as she remembered. If not more so. Ashe can’t quite help but smile as they approach each other.

The hug from Satya comes as a surprise; her shoulders stiffen a bit before she slowly and awkwardly returns it. Ashe doesn’t do hugs. Especially not so out of the blue like that. But it’s fine. This is fine. It isn’t like she enjoyed the moment of closeness. No.

…Okay. Maybe she did. But, it's nothing. She's just happy to see her friend again.

Once they reach Satya’s apartment, she takes a moment to admire how well decorated it is. It’s unsurprising that her home would be as neat and orderly as she was. Taking a while to just… sit on the bed in the guest room, she closes her eyes for a few moments, trying to will away those effects of jetlag that hit her like a speeding truck.

Not too long after, she finds herself taking the Sari from Satya, tilting her head as she looks it over. And soon she is trying everything imaginable to attempt to put the damn thing on herself. The underskirt is so tight. Surely it’s too small? The shirt is… well. A lot more of her fair skin is showing than usual. It isn’t a bad thing, but when she doesn’t make a habit of showing off her stomach, it does take some getting used to.

That lovely fabric in hand, Ashe is holding it up, staring at it like it’s something absurdly foreign. Her gaze flickers over to Satya and then back to the fabric—] Yeah. I got it- [ And then she does a double take. Wow. ]

You look amazin’. [ Again. W o w. Alright, alright. Stop staring. She tears her gaze away and turns an accusing glance back to the sari. ] These clothes are plenty pretty, but I think I may’ve gotten the short end of the stick here, sugar. Yours looks significantly less difficult to put on than this monstrosity.

How the hell does this work?

[realitybendstomywill]

[When she pulls the other woman into a hug, she is so close to sensory overload that she almost doesn’t notice the way Ashe tenses up, and she is just about to apologize when her friend relaxes and returns the hug. That’s so much better, but perhaps she should apologize all the same, later on, when they aren’t surrounded by any stimuli that will make Satya react on instinct once again? Yes, that is a good idea.

In the meanwhile, she does her best to forget about how good it felt to have Ashe in her arms.

She is still trying to shake off the warmth left behind by their closeness, hours later, when she walks up to Ashe as she tries to figure out just how saris work. She can’t hold back an amused chuckle at her friend’s look of utter confusion, and the hilarity of the situation helps her ignore the fact that Ashe looks amazing, and she’s only wearing the choli and the underskirt; she’s going to look gorgeous when the sari is wrapped in place, she just knows.

Satya does not expect Ashe to do a double take or for her to compliment her like that, and that odd warmth fills her chest again, her cheeks heating up in response. She smiles to herself, feeling almost shy.]

Thank you. [She takes the fabric from Ashe’s hands, laughing quietly as she goes on to complain about how hard it is to put it on. And then her friend asks her how it works, and Satya’s lips curl into a playful little smirk, because she really can’t resist answering that with:] Witchcraft, of course.

[She laughs once again, delighted that she managed to use Ashe’s own words to tease her back, and that she gets to help her friend put on a sari. Holding one of the ends, she lets the fabric fall gracefully on to the floor, and is just about to tuck the first section in when she realizes Ashe doesn’t know what to expect. She looks up at the other woman.]

In order to be worn, the sari needs to be tucked into the petticoat. I will have to touch your waist several times to do it correctly. Is that alright? [She doesn’t want to make Ashe uncomfortable, and she doesn’t want to accidentally trample over her comfort zone.] If you would rather I didn’t touch you, you can borrow a lehenga like the one I am wearing, and you can put it on by yourself.

[deadlock_diva]

[ When she’d been expecting a matter-of-fact and serious response only to be met with ”Witchcraft, of course,” Ashe can’t quite help but laugh. Alright. That’s pretty fantastic. ]

I should’a known. The lot of you are a bunch’a witches.

[ Pardon her while she adjusts the petticoat with a soft grimace. It’s so tight. Why is it so tight? Moreover, why do Indian clothes require a degree in rocket science just to put on? Why did she think this was a good idea? She has plenty of nice clothes from home she can wear.

But no. She wants to try them anyway. Because they’re niec looking and she’d really like to stand out just a little less in this foreign country. ]

Think this thing may be a little too small.

[ She pauses, tilting her head as Satya’s explains how she’d be putting the sari on her. Honestly? That doesn’t sound bad, and she really couldn’t care less. Considering how much Satya had been forced to touch her in order to assist her while she was sick, this isn’t too terribly different from that.

Out of necessity, those boundaries had already been broken. She responds with a small shrug of her shoulders. ]

That’s alright. I don’t mind. Already made it this far.

[realitybendstomywill]

[Satya laughs again, but she doesn’t reply: she just waves her left hand in a graceful motion, several sparks of hard-light flaring up from the palm of her cybernetic hand. Hearing Ashe laugh so freely is… quite wonderful, actually. Huh.

She smiles patiently at the other woman as she adjusts the petticoat, knowing very well what she is thinking; she once thought the same thing, many years ago, when she first learned how to put on a sari. If Ashe had told her that one of the reasons why she wanted to wear a sari was so she could stand out a little less, Satya would have simply replied with an it’s impossible for a woman as beautiful as you are not to stand out, regardless of where you are-- but she doesn’t, and the architech remains blissfully ignorant of Ashe’s motivations.]

Not to worry: it is supposed to be a little tight, or the sari won’t stay in place. You will get used to it soon, I promise.

[After all, the fabric of the sari will act as padding after it is tucked in, making it far more comfortable-- or less uncomfortable, as it were-- to wear the petticoat. She nods when Ashe says she’s okay with her continuing, and finally gets started with dressing up her friend.]

Very well. This won’t take long.

[It won’t, but Satya still takes her time making sure everything is done as perfectly as it should be. She starts by tucking the end of the sari into the petticoat by Ashe’s right hip, and continues to tuck it all the way around her waist, walking around the other woman as she does so, until she is standing in front of her again. To say she is focused on Ashe would be putting it mildly: all of her attention is on the other woman, and on trying to make the fabric adjust to her body-- she notices every scar, every little mark on her skin, and has to cling to every shred of self-control not to trace them with her fingertips.

Measuring the distance from Ashe’s right hipbone to her bellybutton, Satya begins to fold the fabric into several pleats, and holds up the pallu-- the loose end of the sari-- for Ashe to hold up for a moment.]

Hold this up for me, please.

[When Ashe holds on to the drape, Satya tucks the pleats into the waistband of the petticoat, at the front, before kneeling down to adjust the pleats by her feet. It’s a good thing that she must lower her head as she does so, too, because she’s having a hard time looking at the other woman after feeling how soft the skin of her stomach is-- and how she accidentally touched a scar that was hidden from view, just like she had wanted to-- and she wishes she could stay detached, she really does, but she never realized that helping Ashe into a sari would be so strangely intimate. Taking a deep breath, she finally stands up again, and takes the fabric from Ashe’s hands so she can do the last wrap: Satya wraps the sari diagonally from Ashe’s left hip up to her torso, and then drapes the pallu over her left shoulder.]

Many women use the pallu over their arm like this, but I am assuming you will want to move a little more freely than that, so I’ll pleat it up for you. [She does a different pleat this time, making it look more natural, and adjusts the front of the sari so that it is hugging Ashe’s torso, tugging slightly at the back to tuck one of the corners of the pallu next to the pleats at the front. After smoothing the fabric over one last time, Satya finally takes a step back to appreciate her handiwork, and for a long moment, all she can do is stare.

Even Goddesses would wish for your beauty, she breathes out, speaking in Hindi, the words coming out in a rush. And then she smiles, the fondness in her eyes as obvious as the curl to her lips, and leads her friend by the shoulders to the full body mirror by the closet.]

You look… [Gorgeous, amazing, beautiful, divine-- Satya discards all of those compliments as simultaneously too much and not enough. She meets Ashe’s eyes in the mirror and swallows hard.] …stunning.

[deadlock_diva]

[ So. Intimate is a pretty good word for this little game of dress up and Ashe isn’t entirely sure how she feels about it. Not that she ever once feels uncomfortable. No. Far from it. In fact, she’s enjoying the attention a little more than she feels she should.

Is that weird? It feels weird. Maybe she’s just weird. Whatever. It’s fine. This is fine.

She does well to focus her attention on Satya’s hands as she works, tucking the ends of that beautiful fabric into the petticoat. Every now and again, her eyes flicker up to Satya’s face, observing that quiet intent as she tries to make sure everything fits her just right. Being that she’s such a perfectionist, it’s only natural, but still amusing to watch. Nevermind the fact that she also looks beautiful in her own garb. The flowers in her hair are a really nice touch and her face-Okay. Maybe she’s staring. She’s quick to refocus her attention on her hands again and then the fabric, the petticoat. Anything.

She cracks her knuckles absently, tilting her head a bit when Satya hands her the fabric to hold. She takes it and then watches as she tucks in the pleats in front of her- Hah. Yeah. There is a scar there right beneath the waistband. That’s one she’s had for a while now; Satya touching it doesn’t seem to bother her, or if it does, she doesn’t show it. In fact, every little touch hasn’t earned much a reaction for just how intently she’s been watching her work.

The quickly spoken words spoken in Satya’s native tongue throws Ashe a bit, having been in the process of looking herself over. The way other woman had been looking at her hadn’t gone completely over her head either, but she really just figured that she was happy with her own work. She had done an amazing job from what she could ascertain. Still. ]

Didn’t quite catch that. What’d you say?

[ And then she finds herself behind guided by her shoulders over to the mirror where she can actually see the full sari on herself. It’s a little jarring, really? So different than what she’s used to. She does meet Satya’s gaze in the mirror, not quite expecting that look from her to linger; nevermind the way she almost seems to struggle to come up with the right word. It’s oddly endearing and only increasing the growing fondness that’s been building for the past two months.

With a playful hum, she turns her head look back at her with a wink. ]

Try and keep it together, sugar.

[ Heh. ]

This is beautiful, though... [ She turns a bit, glancing back over to the mirror to get a better look at different angles. She may have to invest in her own while she’s here. ] It’s a lot of effort to put on, but you make it look so easy. How long did it take you to master this?

[realitybendstomywill]

[As it is, Satya is far too focused on helping her friend put on the sari to realize Ashe is staring. No, she isn’t just focused on wrapping the long fabric accordingly: she is also trying to keep her hands from lingering more than they need to, and avoiding looking at the other woman more than what she absolutely must. She really cannot risk getting the wrong message across.

It’s a good thing her friend doesn’t know Hindi, but even so, Satya feels like she has been caught in the act when Ashe asks her what she said. She needs to be more careful with her words, she knows, but it was impossible not to compliment her beauty as truthfully as Ashe deserves. The architech shakes her head slightly.]

I was simply congratulating myself on a job well done.

[That should do it: Ashe has no reasons to doubt her words, after all.

She doesn’t expect the other woman to look back and give her a wink, and Satya reminds herself that this is nothing more than playfulness between friends. Her lips curl into a little smile.]

I will do my best.

[She watches as Ashe looks at herself in the mirror, and this time she does congratulate herself on a job well done, but she does so silently, in her own thoughts. Satya takes a step back to give her friend more space, and takes the opportunity to reach for the kohl on the dresser, holding it in her hand.]

Just a couple of days. The pleats are the hardest part, really. [Young Satya Vaswani was given her first sari as a gift for her excellent grades at the academy, and she perfected the wrapping and the pleats over the course of two days, not allowing herself a full night’s sleep until she got it right. Smiling fondly at that memory, she takes a step closer to Ashe once again and brings the surma-- powdered kohl-- up for her to see.] Now, for your eyes. I am well aware that you are very skilled with your eyeliner, but applying surma is quite different.

[She holds the tube in one hand and carefully pops out the applicator stick.]

May I?

[deadlock_diva]

Two days? Is that all?

[ Because she’s pretty sure it’d take her a lot longer than two days to master this beat.

She looks at Satya behind her from the mirror as she runs her fingers through her hair, smoothing it down and tucking the shorter side behind her ear, taking care to catch any flyaway strands. She might unpack her curling iron here in a moment just for an added touch. Some soft curls would be nice for this look she’s attempting to pull off. Or is apparently pulling off very nicely according to Satya. But still.

When Satya mentions her eyeliner, she looks over her shoulder again and then turns to face her. Pff. It’s been a hot minute since she’s let anyone do her makeup. Humming softly, she idly runs one hand over the pallu, enjoying how smooth and soft the fabric is. It’s surprisingly more comfortable than she thought it’d be.

She just can’t… yanno. Fight anyone in it. Not easily. Not that she’s here to make a scene.

She arches an eyebrow at her, unsure how well she’s going to enjoy someone touching her face. No matter how beautiful she is. It’s just… it’s different, okay? Regardless, she walks over to her. ]

Yeah, I reckon… You're havin' fun dressin' me up, aren't you? [ Which is also fine. She's enjoying the attention and just how lovely the outfits truly are. ] So... what’s the difference?

[realitybendstomywill]

[Satya looks at her curiously, as if the answer to that question should be obvious enough by now-- which, quite frankly, it is.]

Naturally. Do not underestimate the determination of a perfectionist intent on learning a new skill in the shortest interval of time possible.

[As she watches the other woman play with her hair, Satya can’t help wondering what it would be like to be allowed to do that. Perhaps she would also curl it slightly, or perhaps she would decorate it with flowers, or perhaps she would finally get to trim Ashe’s hair so that it is wonderfully symmetric… she pushes those thoughts away. There is simply no point in focusing on those scenarios right now.

The strange intimacy of helping Ashe into her sari only seems to increase as the other woman runs her hand over the pallu, and Satya wonders if she will ever have this opportunity again. Perhaps not, and the thought that she may only get this one chance actually makes her bolder, asking to do Ashe’s makeup even though she is well aware the other woman doesn’t have to do everything traditionally while wearing a sari.]

I must admit that I am finding this experience significantly more enjoyable than I had initially predicted, yes, [she answers with an small smile, which widens when Ashe asks her the difference between eyeliner and surma.] Contrary to the materials commonly used to apply eyeliner, the surma, or powdered kohl, is almost like a loose powder eyeliner, applied directly to the waterline instead of the eyelids.

[She leans in a little closer to make her task easier. Holding the tube in her left hand, Satya carefully places the applicator against the waterline on her lower lid, her hand brushing against her friend’s cheek, and instructs Ashe to close her eyes, sliding the applicator outwards in a surprisingly gentle motion to apply the surma.

She did not account for how she would feel like to see Ashe from up close like this, and she certainly didn’t realize how much it would look like they’re about to kiss at any given moment. Shoving that thought aside as forcefully as she can manage, she instructs her friend to open her eyes again so she can repeat the same task on her right eye, switching the applicator to her cybernetic hand. She’s just about to apply it when she realizes there is a tiny bit of surma on Ashe’s cheek.]

Just a moment-- there we go. [She wipes it away with her thumb, and leaves her hand resting against Ashe’s face as she applies the surma, instructing her to close her eyes like she did the first time. Once again, Satya finds herself a little lost in how beautiful the other woman is-- it was already difficult not to stare from a distance, and from up close it proves to be completely impossible not to focus a bit too much on her friend-- so much so that she feels the need to breathe in slowly. She has never acted in such a way towards someone she considered her friend; why is Ashe so different?

When she speaks again, the words are soft and far too quiet.]

You may open your eyes now.

[deadlock_diva]

[ First of all: Keep dreaming, Satya. Ashe will never allow you to cut her hair symmetrical, alright? It just ain’t gonna happen. Not until she decides she wants a new style. For now, she’s very partial to this one.

Second: This applying surma business surely seems a lot more intimate than being helped into a sari. But then, everything she can recall about someone teaching her how to do her makeup was just that. Up close and personal.

She can remember being younger; in her early teenage years, perhaps. She’d been struggling with learning how to apply her own makeup when B.O.B. came in with some instructional books, videos and… well. The knowledge of how to apply it himself. She’d never asked him how he knew, but she could only surmise that he’d practiced somehow, or downloaded content to give him a skillset. The attention was nice; but that was B.O.B.

This is Satya. There’s a distinct difference even as it’s laced with a fond memory.

Being close to B.O.B. made her feel safe and warm. Being this close to Satya? She can’t explain it. That same warmth is there, but there’s something else also. All she knows is that it isn’t a bad feeling. One that she, perhaps, could get used to.

That aside, it’s a given that the other woman would have to learn forward enough to see what she’s doing to apply the surma appropriately. Sure. Fair enough. She can even allow the need to touch her cheek slide. Again. That’s fine.

The sensation of the applicator so close against her lash line is a little jarring at first; and had Satya’s hand not been so practiced and gentle, she might have pulled away. That being said, it does cause her to briefly pull back just enough to blink and adjust to the feeling. Taking care not to touch the powder, she presses one finger to the outmost corner of her eye and pulls the skin taut for a couple of seconds. Ugh. ]

… Alright. I’m good.

[ She leans back to where she had been before, and then Satya touches her cheek, brushing away the excess powder with her thumb. A motion that feels a little more personal than it’s intended purpose, but hey. She’s clearly thinking too much on this.

Closing her eyes for a second time, she allows the other woman to apply the powder to her other eye. Knowing what to expect, she handles it significantly better than the first time. What she doesn’t expect is to feel a small twinge of anticipation when Satya’s hand lingers on her cheek. How her voice softens when she instructs her to open her eyes again. How, when she does, she can’t quite help but to staring for a moment into Satya’s eyes. She’s not sure she’s ever really noted that they’re almost gold; beautiful, really. It’s also interesting to take in the other little details of her face. That subtle mark on her left upper lip; how well shaped her eyebrows are. Her lips… Oh.

Alright.

She breathes out softly and backs up, turning away to go look at herself in the mirror again. ]

Thanks, sugar. [ Pause. Are those goosebumps? Really? ] You’ve got some pretty eyes. Anyone ever tell you that?

[ Yes. That’s… totally a normal compliment, right? No? Well, she doesn’t care. Her back is turned and she can pretend that she didn’t just almost kiss her friend that she’s been lowkey flirting with for the past two months.

Something’s there. She knows there is. But she wants to be sure before she presses any further. Again, worse comes to worse, they’re friends. Ultimately, that’s probably for the best in the grander scheme of things. It doesn't mean that she won't still find her strangely attractive. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[One day, Satya will educate Ashe on the wonders of symmetry. One day. Until then, a girl can dream.

Much like her friend, Satya’s earliest memories of makeup are deeply personal. Mother taught her how to apply surma and kohl from an early age, often commenting on how important it was for her to master it so she could catch her husband’s attention one day, and to protect her own children from the evil eye. She didn’t want to be married off to anyone, but was quick to master the technique all the same: she liked how pretty her eyes looked, and mother always smiled when she saw her wearing it. It wasn’t until years later that Satya realized the sacrifices her mother made in order to afford the kohl, and that, more often than not, it was a hand-me-down from the wealthier ladies her mother did chores for.

Ashe isn’t the only one feeling an odd kind of warmth right now: Satya is trying very hard to ignore how she feels about everything that is happening between them, knowing very well that nothing is, in fact, happening between them at all. She chuckles quietly when Ashe needs to pull back and adjust to the feeling of having the surma applied, and waits patiently for her to tell her to go ahead.]

It is rather strange at first, I know.

[To her friend’s credit, she does take it a lot better when she applies the surma to her other eye. Satya is focusing on that fact to avoid thinking about how close they are when Ashe opens her eyes, and.

What is it she was trying to distract herself with, again?

Ashe stares into her eyes and Satya stares back, helplessly drawn towards the most beautiful shade of red she has ever seen. She almost wants to comment on it-- Did you know that red is a very auspicious color in Hinduism?-- but doesn’t, knowing very well that she wouldn’t be able to speak right now even if she tried. For a moment that seems to stretch out for hours, but couldn’t in reality be any more than only a few seconds, Ashe glances at her lips, and Satya stops breathing entirely, a shiver of anticipation running through her. Is she-- no, surely she isn’t about to kiss her, is she?

Satya can’t help but return that same glance, but her eyes barely have the time to focus on Ashe’s lips before the other woman moves away and turns around, and the architech lets out the breath she wasn’t aware she was still holding, her hand falling down to her side. Oh.

She mentally scolds herself yet again for letting her imagination run wild, but then Ashe compliments her eyes and Satya blinks in surprise, a spark of hope flaring within her despite her best efforts not to. She clears her throat quietly, hoping that her voice will sound far more normal than she feels at the moment.]

I-- Thank you. I am not accustomed to such compliments. [Only a small number of people have ever commented on how beautiful her eyes are-- the few lovers she has had throughout the years, and her-- but she doesn’t think it would be appropriate to mention that.] Yours are very beautiful, as well.

[She takes another slow breath, tearing her eyes away from the other woman as she finally places the applicator back in the small tube and pretends to brush away some residual surma from her hands. Ashe still hasn’t turned around, and Satya wonders: what happens now?]

I will leave you alone so you can finish getting ready.

[Making an effort to seem perfectly casual and not at all like she is fleeing the scene, Satya excuses herself and returns to her own bedroom, where she promptly leans against the wall and proceeds to scream internally at what happened. There was something there, in that moment when Ashe opened her eyes… wasn’t there? Or is she so attracted to the other woman that her perception of reality is off?

After taking in yet another deep breath, Satya goes in the mirror to fix her lipstick just in case Ashe looks at her mouth again, and makes her way to the living room where she waits for her friend to appear.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ And. It’s Ashe’s turn to release a breath the moment that Satya excuses herself from the guest room. Daring a look down at one of her wrists, she can clearly see the goosebumps still present on her fair skin. Wow. That’s a spark that she hasn’t felt in a long time. The increasing amounts of anxiety related to it only make her wonder how long she can keep these feelings to herself. And, on the flip-side, the rather pleasant thrill of anticipation makes her not want to.

Something is there, though. And, well… maybe it might just be best to tell Satya sooner rather than later. Otherwise, it’s going to be a painful and awkward vacation. For both of them; whether Satya’s feelings are mutual or not. She can always take the next flight out if things don't go well...

With that realization, she watches herself physically slump in the mirror as she has to restrain herself from sinking to her knees. Another moment passes, she steels herself and then releases another breath as she turns from the mirror. She decides to busy herself with curling her hair and trying to put all of those burning emotions to rest for the time being. Perhaps later tonight would be best to tell her, when she has a little bit more time to feel out the situation and observe how Satya acts around her after that mess she just displayed.

After adding her own few pieces of her own jewelry and touching up her makeup, she must all but force herself out of the guest room and into the living room. But it’s fine. Everything is normal. They’re going out for a normal evening. Two friends. Just friends. Yes. ]

Ready to go?

[ To Ashe’s credit, she does fairly well to act as though nothing’s wrong. And, moreover, that nothing happened back there.

...

Oh, heavens. Did she-? She did. She put on lipstick. Or, at least, it's far brighter and more noticeable than what she'd been wearing previously. Wonderful. Great. Fabulous.

It's going to be a long night. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[Ashe isn’t the only one trying to convince herself that they are just friends doing purely platonic friendly things: Satya is doing her best to accept the fact that nothing at all is happening, that nothing at all will ever happen, and that the best thing she can do for both of their sakes is to act accordingly. She is doing a damn good job convincing herself of it, too, but then Ashe meets her in the living room, and she realizes that her little trick with the lipstick worked.

Satya shivers in anticipation, reaching up to tuck an imaginary lock of hair behind her ear because she needs to do something to dispel the nervousness she feels, the motion making her look almost shy. The lipstick isn’t the only thing she used to make herself prettier, though: she chose a lehenga dupatta style similar to a sari, so that the scarf hangs loosely from her shoulder just like a pallu would.]

Of course. [She gestures towards the door and gives her friend a little smile.] After you.

[It’s a good thing that the restaurant they are headed off to is within walking distance: the short walk helps her clear her head and her heart, and the warm breeze against her skin chases away some of that weird nervousness she felt earlier. Utopaea is not like most of India: it is a modern, state-of-the-art city built entirely from scratch, based entirely on order and harmony; there is no chaos, no overwhelming sounds and smells like the city she grew up in. Satya tells her friend all about Utopaea as they walk, about how wonderful it was to design and build the city and how proud she is to have been a part of it; in fact, she is so immersed in her own explanation that she almost misses the entrance to the restaurant they are headed to. Almost.

It is very much a traditional restaurant with a modern touch, and she is quite obviously a regular, judging from the warm welcome, Ms. Vaswani they hear as soon as they enter the place. Just like what happened the first time they went out, the two of them turn a few heads, but Satya doesn’t mind; in fact, she barely notices, as focused on the other woman as she is. It is only later, when she is paying for their drinks at her favorite bar, that her attention shifts from Ashe to someone else: a beautiful woman who strikes up conversation and is very obviously flirting with her. Suddenly, Satya remembers how a former classmate would say that boys were only interested in her after she got herself a boyfriend, and she wants to laugh at the irony of it all: of course the first time a ridiculously attractive stranger would flirt with her in months would happen while she was out not having a date with the friend she is irresistibly drawn to. Of course. She politely declines, and hopes that Ashe was too busy watching the dancer on the small stage to realize what was happening, but no such luck.

Things are… significantly more awkward after that, and by the time they leave the bar, Satya hopes that the walk back home will make her feel back to normal.

It doesn’t.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ It’s funny. Usually Ashe can bullshit her way through just about anything. She can act and mirror those around her and put on a convincing front conveying whatever emotions she needs to at the time. Except for now, when she is trying to desperately to act like her feelings for this woman are nothing more than platonic, yet she can’t even look her way without causing her to look shy or uncomfortable.

Maybe she’ll just… not look her direction? No. That would probably only make things worse. Again. It’s going to be a long night.

With a small nod of her head, Ashe silently walks outside, the fresh air soothing her almost instantly. Maybe that’s what she needed. Just to be outside. And then Satya’s emphatic explanations of her involvement of the city around them soothed her further. She remains quiet for most of their walk, but by the time they reach the restaurant, she begins to ask more questions. Dinner ends up being far more pleasant and the trip to the bar afterwards is just lovely.

The music and the overall feel of the place is so vastly different than what she’s used to. There’s an odd bit of culture shock, but not in a bad way. If anything, it’s refreshing. Captivated by the dancer on the stage, Ashe does manage to tear her gaze away when the woman approaches Satya, offering her a small wave when she greets them. She returns her attention to the dancer, but finds that she and Satya keep talking.

She casts a few side glances over at them from time to time, unable to comprehend the words, but understanding all too well the flirtatious gestures and the body language of the woman. And it bothers her. A lot. Huh. From that point on, it’s everything that she can do to keep her gaze on the dancer and try to act oblivious. What should she care if another woman is flirting with Satya? That’s fine. Satya’s a lovely woman. It’s surprising that more people don’t approach her.

…

That thought annoys her too. And… she knows what’s going on, so she can’t even ask herself why she’s thinking this way.

As they begin their way back to Satya’s apartment, the silence gets to be a little bit too much. There’s really no reason for it, is there? Satya didn’t do anything wrong; nor had the woman who approached her. So what’s the big deal? ]

Bet you get that a lot, dontcha? [ She turns her head to look over at Satya with a smirk. ] Pretty little thing like you. What’d she say to you anyway? Humor me… I’m curious.

[ Curious. Yeah. That's a funny way to spell jealous. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[Throughout the night, Satya pays close attention to her friend, keeping an eye on any possible signs that she may not be enjoying their not-date, or if anything is proving to be too much, given how tired she must be after her trip. As someone who is so easily overwhelmed under very specific circumstances, she has always been careful about making sure that others-- friends, acquaintances, lovers-- don’t feel uncomfortable in their surroundings. Ashe isn’t just her friend, she’s a very dear friend, someone who she likes a little too much, and she wants her to feel as comfortable and happy as possible.

Which is why she stays silent when they leave the bar: she doesn’t know what to say, so she doesn’t say anything at all, just in case her attempts at communicating after declining a date right in front of the friend she wishes she was dating go terribly wrong. Unlike what happened when they left her building earlier, Ashe is the one who breaks the silence this time around, but the chosen theme of conversation makes Satya blink in surprise.

She doesn’t understand why the other woman would want to know that many details about what happened-- or rather, about what didn’t happen. If it had been the other way around, and another woman-- or a man, for that matter-- flirted with Ashe like that woman did with her, Satya wouldn’t have wanted to know any details. In fact, she would have been busy erasing those images from her memory by now, because if the thought alone is enough to make something unpleasant tighten in her chest, then watching it happen right in front of her would surely be more painful than she’d like to admit. Which poses the question: if Ashe also feels attracted to her, why does she want to know so much?

Unless… she really doesn’t feel attracted to her at all, and none of the odd tension Satya felt between them earlier actually existed.

Something in her eyes shifts, and the frown fades into a more neutral expression.]

Oh-- not a lot, no.

[Not from women, anyway, and she is most definitely not interested in men. Besides, she is often too busy to go out at all, and the few dates and casual sexual encounters she has been involved with have mostly happened during her missions abroad. Satya frowns slightly, wanting to ask Ashe why she is so curious, until she realizes this is probably the kind of thing friends ask each other-- real friends, not the friends who casually flirt and look at each other’s mouths for a little too long.]

She apologized for interrupting us and complimented both of our looks. She said she had seen me before at that same bar, but did not have the courage to talk to me then, and she did not want to miss her opportunity tonight even though I wasn’t alone.

[They finally reach her building, and Satya unlocks the front door, letting her friend inside and guiding her to the elevator.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ Alright. This is getting ridiculous. They’ve known each other for all of two months; yes. Before that, they spent the better part of two weeks together in her small country home, yes. They’re friends now and enjoy talking to each other daily, yes. They flirt and blush and… you know. Do things that friends don’t generally do. That’s all well, good and… not normal, but fine. Awkwardness happens, but overall? Everything has been good and happy. Why is it that when someone random woman approaches Satya and flirts with her, Ashe feels a searing heat in her chest? The comfortable warmth from earlier would have been all too welcome over the burning sensation that replaces it at Satya’s response.

She damn jealous and she hates it.

In fact, the feeling is so intense, that she reaches up to touch her chest without even realizing that she’s doing it. Once she does, she awkwardly flattens her hand against the pallu again, distracting herself with the soft fabric. However, she does manage to play it cool as she steps into the building and follows Satya’s lead over to the elevator.

Feelings. They’re awful, yet wonderful. Terrifying and exciting.

Thankfully, her expression doesn’t reflect what she’s feeling on the inside. For now. In the meantime, she opts to let her eyes wander without really looking at anything around the room. At least until she can will away some of that intensity. ]

That so? [ She can’t even look at Satya this time. However, she does finally settle on looking at the elevator in front of them. ] Any potential there?

[ Why did she ask that? Why? Does it really matter?

Yes. It does to her. She has to know and she can’t even stop the words from leaving her mouth. They’d been having such a nice night, too. Give or take some awkwardness from earlier. Why did this one woman have to find the courage to flirt with her friend tonight of all nights? Especially when she’d been planning on telling her how she felt. Is the universe trying to make her bolder? Braver? Both? Or… perhaps it’s trying to oppose her.

That's rude, universe. Go home and stay out of this. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[For her part, Satya doesn’t even realize why Ashe is acting in such a way, and neither does she notice the way her friend reaches almost instinctively up to touch her own chest. She doesn’t notice many things as they walk to the elevator and she tries to make sense of what in the Gods’ names is going on.

At that question, Satya steals a glance at the other woman, realizing how intently she is staring at the elevator. Ashe doesn’t even look at her when she makes that question, and that worries her more than it should: why doesn’t she look at her? Is something the matter? She hates how tense things seem to have become all of a sudden, and that, more than anything, only reinforces how bad of an idea it would be to reveal how she truly feels for her friend. Thankfully, the elevator arrives just in time to prevent the two of them from staring ahead at its closed doors in awkward silence, and Satya gestures for her friend to go ahead and enter.]

No.

[Why did Ashe have to go and stand right in front of the elevator panel? Satya mentally steels herself and brings her hand up, looking for all intents and purposes like she’s about to touch Ashe’s shoulder, only to press her floor’s number on the panel.

No is the simplest way to answer Ashe’s question, but the truly correct answer would have been there will not be any potential with her or any other woman until my heart is empty once again. The truth is that, if only Satya didn’t feel so strongly for the wonderful woman standing right in front of her, there would have been some potential to flirting with someone else, but there is no point in thinking about that. Satya turns to face the doors as they wait for the elevator to reach her floor. Is there some kind of anomaly, or is it really taking much longer than it usually does?]

I didn’t even give her my number.

[She gave hers, though, and Satya kept the offered business card-- mostly out of politeness, yes, but also because she’ll need a warm body to spend the night with when her heart inevitably breaks, because there is no chance Ashe feels the same way. Satya Vaswani may be many things, but lucky is not one of them.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ This is so awkward and uncomfortable and Ashe is honestly wondering what is stopping her from just up and confessing how she feels. What's stopping her from laying her cards down on the table and letting it be known? Something is there, as she’s figured all this time. Even if it isn’t, she can wave it off and they can move on. Even if it might hurt for a while.

And that, right there, is what's making her so nervous. Nervous. Afraid, even. It’s so irrational, but it’s the only thing that makes sense.

Because hell. She hasn’t felt this way for someone in such a long time. Satya is just so... nice to be around. Getting over the fact that her feelings were for another woman took that entire first month; then she came to terms with it and even embraced it. First time for everything, right? And she'd try anything at least once.

Breathing out softly, she barely hears Satya speak as they step onto the elevator. She barely catches her out of the corner of her eye as she reaches to, unfortunately, interact with the panel and not her shoulder. Her eyes dart forward again, she murmurs something indiscernible as she steps to the side a bit to give her some more space.

There’s a small bit of relief when Satya admits that she didn’t even give that woman her number. Trying again to play it off like a curious friend, she tries so hard to force herself to look at Satya, but finds that she can’t. She can’t even side glance at her. What is wrong with her today? How is it that she is just completely shutting down? Instead, she just chuckles and shrugs her shoulders. ]

That’s too bad. She sure seemed to like you. Why not give her a chance?

[ Ugh. Why can't she just shut up? The awkward silence would be so much better than this abysmal conversation. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[Satya plays with the loose end of her dupatta, needing the sensory stimulation to try to shake off how wrong everything feels. She feels cold when Ashe steps aside, putting more space between them, and as if that weren’t enough, as if she hadn’t already made it painfully clear how they are nothing more than friends and never will be, Ashe chuckles and all but tells Satya that she and that other woman should be together.

Oh.

That… settles it, doesn’t it?

Satya closes her eyes for a moment and takes a slow, steadying breath, as if trying to recover from a physical blow, which is only fitting, even if a physical injury would have been preferable to the sharp pain piercing her chest. When she finally opens her eyes, she looks down at her hands as she fixes a loose thread on her dupatta, needing something-- anything-- to take her focus off of her rapidly growing negative emotions.]

I am not interested in her. Why--

[--do you keep insisting? Her words are thankfully cut short by the elevator arriving to her floor, and Satya immediately busies herself trying to find her keys in her purse as they exit the elevator, a task that takes her significantly longer than normal, because her usually logical brain is slowly but surely spiraling out of her control. She’s going to get overwhelmed if this keeps up, and that would make everything so much worse, but she can’t resort to stimming and she can’t just excuse herself to use any other strategy to keep her mind from overloading, and--

Wait. There is something she can do to feel better, something that has always helped her mind reorganize.]

You said you would like to watch me dance, [she says all of a sudden, unlocking the door to her apartment and letting Ashe inside. She doesn’t make eye contact, pretending to be remarkably focused on closing the door after Ashe and locking it afterwards, and doesn’t remotely care about how obvious she is about changing the subject.] Perhaps now would be a good time to dance for you?

[Please, say yes, she thinks to herself, because she doesn’t know what she will do to calm down if Ashe says no.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ Ashe doesn’t even know why she’s insisting other than she’s jealous and trying so desperately to pretend that she isn’t. Which hasn’t been effective at all, save for making the overall mood between them incredibly sour. She doesn’t like the way Satya releases a breath and then the way she replies. Her tone isn’t as light and casual as it had been before, but then… neither is Ashe’s.

Exhaling a soft breath of her own, she exits the elevator, debating on what more to say. Looking back, it'd been pretty obvious that Satya wasn’t even interested in this other woman and she just keeps pressing the matter. The words keep spilling out despite her best efforts to stop them. She does manage a brief glance in her direction as she fishes out her keys and opens the door of her apartment.

And then Satya changes the subject entirely. Hell, it’s horribly obvious in how deliberate she is about it, but it’s nonetheless a welcome change. She glances back at Satya as she's shutting the door. ]

Oh. I.. uh. Sure. [ What the hell was that, Ashe? ] If you’re feelin’ up to it, that’d be real nice.

[ Clearly someone needs to come and put this poor stammering woman out of her misery. What is even happening? How did she get here? Video calls with Satya were never this awkward. Maybe distance was better. Maybe she shouldn't have come. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[With her emotions starting to overwhelm her as they are, Satya barely hears the sound of Ashe’s soft exhale: she hyper-focuses on the rattling sounds the keys make against the keychain and on the satisfying feeling of turning the key in the lock, wishing she could repeat that motion several times like she sometimes does, but if things are already this strained between them, she doesn’t want to know how they would be like if she showed Ashe clear evidence that she is on the spectrum.

She turns around just in time to realize Ashe is looking at her, which is somehow as unexpected as it was to hear that question while they were in the elevator, and reaches down to remove her shoes, placing them neatly by the door. When Ashe says yes, she doesn’t even feel glad or relieved, because her absolute lack of enthusiasm is downright appalling, and Satya puts her carefully built mask right back into place to keep her facial expression from giving away just how hurt she really feels.]

Of course.

[She manages a tired little curl of her lips, nowhere near the radiant smile she has shown her friend in nearly every video call they have made. She isn’t feeling up to it, not really, but she needs it, needs the music and the rhythm and the repetitive movements to regulate her own emotions. It doesn’t matter that Ashe has barely shown any interest or enthusiasm in watching her dance; given how quickly her own feelings are spiraling out of her control, she would have danced even if Ashe fell asleep twelve seconds into her performance.]

Have a seat, then.

[She gestures towards the couch as she walks into the living room, hoping Ashe will follow her without being told to. With her back turned to the other woman, she flicks through the holoscreen on her sound system in search of the right songs to dance to-- the right lyrics, the right tempo, the right intensity to make her return to normal-- and realizes that Ashe has already sat down. Good; this means she can begin.

When the music begins-- calm, soothing, no vocals and barely any instruments other than an expertly played sitar-- Satya doesn’t start dancing right away. For a long moment, she lets her hand rest against the speaker to feel its thrum against her skin, and then untucks her dupatta so she can use it freely as she dances. Right on cue, the music changes to something straight out of a Bollywood movie, and her dancing begins.

It is clear that Satya isn’t dancing to her fullest potential: her movements are still graceful, yes, but they seem strained, her expression almost pained, as if there is something holding her back. Halfway through the first song, something shifts in her expression as her mind finally clears, and Satya truly looks at Ashe for the first time since they got home. This may be my only chance to show her how I feel, she thinks to herself, unaware that her eyes show everything she is feeling at the moment. Things cannot get any worse than they already are. It is now or never, is it not?

And so Satya opens her heart just like she swore she wouldn’t: she lets go, and she smiles, and she sings.

The following songs pass by in a blur, gradually becoming slower and less energic. Without being fully aware of it, Satya moves closer to Ashe as she dances, the ends of her dupatta accidentally brushing against her friend’s knees a few times. Although she doesn’t mean to do it, her dancing becomes almost seductive during the last song, her every movement slow and captivating, until the song is about to end and she steps closer, placing the dupatta around Ashe’s shoulders as she lowers herself to the floor in one graceful movement, holding on to the ends of the scarf as she looks up at the other woman.

She… didn’t predict this. This was not her intention at all, and Satya finds herself frozen in place, kneeling like a supplicant in front of the woman she has unrequited feelings for, her face flushed as she tries to catch her breath.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ It surprises Ashe that she’s actually able to look in Satya’s general direction now, when she had so much trouble in the elevator. The extent of that sour mood certainly was evident in Satya’s far less colorful expression in a way that could only be described as dulled to grey. This is awful. And there’s really no reason for it. Maybe if Ashe had kept her mouth shut and just ridden the elevator in silence…

…No. That wouldn’t have helped either. Is there no winning tonight?

Following suit and removing her own shoes (that is going to take some getting used to), Ashe responds with a nod of her head to Satya’s instruction and quietly steps over to the couch to take a seat. She settles against the back, reaching up to tuck a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. Satya’s dancing would be a good distraction, right? Quell that negativity between them and then maybe they could start over.

And damn it all, she is going to confess tonight and kick this bit of unpleasantness to the way side. She hates seeing Satya so withdrawn. It’s just about to drive her mad.

Lost in her own thoughts, it’s the music that pulls her back down to the living room she’s sitting in. She lifts her gaze back over toward Satya, watching her curiously as she stands next the speaker. And then the dancing starts and Ashe can’t tear her gaze away. Perhaps she should have expected this level of expertise, but she didn't.

The progression of restrained to unrestrained is notable, even to her untrained eye. That shift in her demeanor is so apparent and also such a relief. There she is. That vibrant, beautiful spirit that caught Ashe’s eye over two months ago. That lovely woman that she spent so many nights talking into the small hours of the morning with. That smile that she saw long after she closed her eyes.

The movements are so graceful, so fluid and precise. Far superior to the performance that she witnessed back at the bar. There’s something more to this performance. More feeling. More emotion. More… heart. The spinning and flowing of her skirt is strangely alluring; and her attention keeps snapping down toward that bangle on her ankle. And then the dark shade of her skin; how truly lovely her feet and legs are; something she hadn’t really taken time to notice before, but her dancing accentuates every beautiful aspect of her.

Her scarf hits her knees a couple of times; by that time, Ashe has moved forward to sit on the edge of the couch, watching intently and almost wishing for Satya to dance closer to her. There’s that familiar longing in her chest. That warmth from earlier that evening when she’d been mere inches away from her. Close enough to kiss as she applied the surma. There is a hint of seduction in the ways she dances that only makes her that much more alluring. Ashe doesn’t even realize just how fondly she smiles at her friend as she watches her, all of that unpleasantness from earlier long forgotten.

Finally, Satya is in front of her and Ashe sits up a bit straighter in mild alarm upon feeling the fabric of her scarf around her. Her shoulders tense as she absolutely can’t tear her gaze away from Satya’s. She notes the flush on her face(from dancing for a solid few minutes straight, no doubt), barely hearing the way she pants for just how loud her own temporal pulse pounds in her ears.

Now what? ]

Is there anything you can't do, sugar? You dance like a dream.

[ A soft, breathless chuckle escapes her when she realizes just how red her own cheeks must have flushed, if the warmth she feels is any indicator at all. You know what? She’s done. She’s done playing around when Satya basically just poured her heart in soul into that dance and is sitting in front of her waiting for her to make a move. That’s how she’s interpreting it and she’s going to go with it.

Her gaze softening, she leans in closer to Satya, lifting a hand to rest it against her cheek. Her thumb gently brushes over her bottom lip as she looks into her eyes for a couple of seconds. Surely her heart must be trying to break it’s way out of her chest for just how hard it’s beating. ]

You ever get the idea that maybe we're... more than friends?

[realitybendstomywill]

[Ever since she was a child, dancing has always put her in a trance-like state of calm and tranquility. That is why, even though she kept her eyes on Ashe as she danced, she’s only remembering or noticing certain details now, kneeling in front of her and looking up at her friend as she tries to catch her breath: how closely and intently Ashe watched her, the way her eyes often drifted down to her ankle, how she moved forward to the edge of the couch, the fond smile on her lips… she realizes belatedly how Ashe tensed up when she put the scarf around her, and that makes a pang of coldness appear between all the wonderful warmth she is feeling, grounding her and bringing her back to what is happening now.

Although she expects Ashe to compliment her abilities, she doesn’t expect her to do it quite like that, and neither does she expect to see her friend blushing in such a way.]

Thank you, [she says, even though the words she wishes she could say are quite different: Yes, there is-- I cannot make you feel for me what I feel for you. Satya is carefully reminding herself that their closeness and that look on her friend’s face mean nothing, because her insistence on Satya finding another girlfriend spoke volumes, but something shifts in Ashe’s eyes all of a sudden and then she leans in, looking almost as if she’s about to kiss her, and she touches her cheek and brushes her thumb along her lower lip, and oh.

Oh.

She… she feels the same way?

Her lips part in a silent gasp at the feeling of that thumb against her lower lip, her mouth curling into a delirious little smile as she leans into Ashe’s touch. She brings her own hand up to keep Ashe’s in place, staring right back into those gorgeous red eyes until she feels like it’s too much, too intense, and she closes her eyes, letting the wonderful warmth in her chest wash over her.]

I thought so, but... I have always been careful not to let the things I wish for distort my perception of reality.

[And oh, how she wished they could be more than friends, but never dared to hope that that was indeed what she was seeing. Satya swallows hard, her eyes opening again, but she doesn’t dare look at Ashe just yet: she tilts her head down, letting her eyes roam along the little details in the fabric of the pallu of her sari.]

There is a very significant reason why I did not give that woman a chance, [she begins, her voice far too soft, and she finally makes eye contact again, looking up at Ashe from under her eyelashes. Even with all the evidence in front of her, even with Ashe within kissing distance and her hand touching her face and her mouth, she still feels so afraid that everything will go wrong as soon as she dares to tell the truth. Satya cannot remember the last time her heartbeat felt so loud to her own ears.] I… I already feel very strongly for someone else.

[deadlock_diva]

[ Satya’s outward reaction alone would have told her everything she needed to know. However, even with Ashe touching her face and that question that should have made it so apparent, she still seems to have her doubts. Well, now. They simply can’t have that, can they?

Ashe is almost smug for just how incredibly relieved and happy she is that those feelings are mutual. Not that there shouldn’t have been any question about it. All the telltale signs were there; the only thing left was to talk about it, which had been all too difficult. Yet also insultingly easy once they finally got down to it. There was still plenty more to talk about, but not right now.

Not when there is a very real need to dismiss those residual doubts.

Ashe hums softly -- and almost gleefully -- allowing her hand to remain under Satya’s on her cheek for a few more seconds before she moves it; her fingertips sliding down to Satya’s chin as she gently grips it between her forefinger and thumb. She tips her chin upwards as she closes that remaining distance, chuckling softly against her lips, no sooner do they touch.

Heavens, they're just as soft as she imagined. A laugh escapes her and she pulls back briefly and just enough to murmur: ]

I reckon she’s a damn lucky woman.

[ And then her eyes fall closed as she kisses her. This definitely isn’t the position she wants to be in. Leaning forward like this is going to get uncomfortable and quick, but she just can’t wait another moment to fix it. ]

[realitybendstomywill]

[Ashe is right: the hardest part was talking about it, which is only to be expected, given how badly both of them are equipped to handle such matters. The truth is that Satya has had far too many crushes on overly affectionate straight girls to know how easy it is to imagine things that aren’t there, and, over time, she became a little too cautious out of necessity, like a self-defense mechanism set in place to avoid heartbreak. Oh, she is perfect at seduction when she sets her mind to it, and when the object of her affections is nothing more than a casual sex partner. But to actually flirt with someone she cares about deeply, and someone she isn’t entirely sure is into girls or not? That is another thing entirely.

Luckily, every trace of doubt fades away as they enjoy their brand new closeness for what it is. That quiet hum is music to her own ears, and Satya smiles widely when Ashe moves her hand, tilting her chin upwards just so, a thrill of anticipation making her whole body shudder. The feeling of Ashe’s lips against her own is… so much better than she could have ever imagined, and nowhere near enough: Satya reaches up to tangle her fingers gently into Ashe’s hair like she’s dreamed of doing so many times by now, and she barely has enough time to marvel at how soft it is before the other woman pulls away to speak, of all things.]

She is, [Satya breathes out, a delighted-- and amazed and happy-- laugh escaping her because this is really happening and she still can’t believe it, but that sound quickly turns into a pleased little noise when they finally kiss.

She parts her lips almost immediately, welcoming their kiss as readily as she welcomed Ashe into her heart. If this were anyone else, if this were any other time, Satya would have mentally scolded herself for giving in so easily; but this is Ashe, her dearest friend who she has been slowly but surely falling for ever since they met, and she surrenders so eagerly-- so completely-- that she needs to place a hand on Ashe's knee for balance as she presses closer, the hand in Ashe's hair tightening slightly.]

[deadlock_diva]

[ The sound of Satya’s laugh is so satisfying and sweet; Ashe is fairly certain she’d never forget it. Nor would she forget this moment, for that matter. The way her heart is racing, the warmth in her chest and the relief that just made all of the past awkwardness fade away as though it never happened. Even though it did. It so did. However, none of that matters right now and all she can focus on is the woman in front of her.

Ashe tilts her head a bit, her own lips parting and moving just as eagerly against Satya’s. She doesn’t want to lose herself completely. No. Best to take things slower; treat it more delicately. Be gentle. This woman isn’t just some guy at a bar that she’s drunkenly making out with just for the sake of it. She sure as hell isn’t him. In fact, the distinct difference is the softness of her skin, that sweet scent of jasmine and even the taste of her is far more pleasant; the absence of that prickly facial hair, and the taste of beer and smoke is so greatly appreciated.

And then there’s the overall feeling of her. The closeness. That happiness that washed over her when Ashe pressed her lips against hers. It was the same that washed over Ashe when she reciprocated and then continues to do so. It's a far different, more wonderful experience than anything she's felt for or had with anyone else and she's fairly certain that she wants this to continue... for as long as it can. Than again, that's infatuation for you. One step at a time, Ashe.

Her fingertips gently run down the side of Satya’s jaw, to her neck and then her shoulder, that warmth in her chest turning into something akin to burning. And then that hand against her knee reminds her of the need to breathe and she breaks the kiss, panting softly as she gently resting her free hand over Satya’s. ]

C’mon… Get up here, sugar. [ She whispers breathlessly, taking her hand into hers and giving it a tug with a hint of that same eagerness. She pats her leg with her opposite hand, inviting Satya to sit in her lap. She still wants to kiss her; in fact, she didn’t even want to stop, but more than that? She wants to hold her, and what better way? ]